DEALING WITH DELUSIONS

First, if you have been reading, but not commenting, please do so, whether you agreee with the thoughts or not; or I will not know how this is touching you; or whether it is doing any good.

Today I heard someone else request aid in deciding how to deal with a loved one with truly delusional behaviour. To a rational person, especially a sensory, perceptive person, delusions and the behaviour related to delusions are completely irrational, and should NEVER be accepted. The very idea that decisions, choices, or even conversations be based on delusional fantasy runs contrary to the rational mind. As Mr. Spock would say - ILLOGICAL! ( although he would say it emotionlessly.)

Come and let us reason together, and see if that is so.

We all should know that often fear and anticipation are much worse than that which is feared or anticipated. A child may scream in terror in anticipation of a hypodermic needle, or a student may toss and turn with insomnia in anticipation of an exam, only to find that the shot has been delivered almost without being felt, or the exam has been passed without undue fatalities. For the deluded person, the delusional belief and its perceived reality may be much less painful that the uncontrollable reality which must otherwise be faced. Thus, a mind weakened by disease or trauma, unable to accept a dreaded reality may create a reality of its own that it can control to some extent, and thus be "happier" than it could in dealing with the truth. The truth not only contains realities that are unacceptable, but the reality that one is not in any way in control or able to influence those realities.

The trigger for this discussion was a very rational woman who had an aging relative with Parkinson's disease which had advanced to dementia and delusion. The person often had delusions regarding their surroundings and the identity of the caregivers/visitors. This loving relative wanted to know if it was ethical/"right" to correct the delusions so the person could experience reality (and the visit be much more enjoyable for the healthy visitors, including children.)

I personally struggled with this issue with Karen over the last several years of her life, especially when the delusions led to her belief that I was the source of her illness/distress. Those who provide care professionally for persons suffering from such disease advise not to contradict a delusional person nor to encourage their delusion, rather to reassure of their safety and love in a non-confrontational manner, giving them the maximum possible illusion of control for the sake of calming their fears.

Thus, when there was a fear that every form of chemical was producing toxic effects, we cleaned the house with baking soda only for years. We had hotel rooms wiped down with water and baking soda before moving in. When there was a fear that the water in the cottage was polluted or poisoned, I bought bottled water for drinking, and added a filter - letting her observe its removal from original packaging and installation - for washing.

When I took my daughter and her son to visit and the demon of fear of me returned, I simply left the cottage and let my daughter and grandson visit till we needed to leave; graciously accepting her request that I leave.

When Karen told me that she was sure that God had told her that she was getting better and that we soon could be together again, my reply was that God was good all the time; and he certainly had plans for our future. I would pray with her that the time of fulfillment would be soon.

Don't get me wrong - I did not always know to do this or how to do this. I am the sensory, perceptive, logical being that believed that the truth and reality is better than delusion; and for me I still believe that. But it was not the case for her.

We do not expect children to face all of stresses of adult life. We have "age-appropriate" ways of dealing with many subjects with children. We can let them tell us of their imaginary friends without quashing their imaginations. Most of us realize that "pretend" is a way to learn to deal with things that are beyond the capacity of the childish mind.

What we fail to do is to recognize the the sick or deluded mind may very well be one that for various reasons has regressed back to the point that it is even less capable of dealing with reality than the mind of a child. The challenge of recognizing what is "condition-appropriate" handling of situations is one we must sometimes rightly, sadly accept.