THE WORST DAY OF HER LIFE
It should have been a happy time. My formal education was over at last. I was a well regarded young professor, and had begun a very successful adjunct consulting work for multiple clients. The family could spend summers in California while I consulted, and we had frequent family trips and vacations. We were happy in our spiritual life - worshipping at Campbell in the summer while we were here in California, and actively involved with the Blacksburg congregation during the school year. We had no debts, other than what was a miniscule mortgage payment on our home in Virginia.
The only dark side was Karen's mom and her relationship to her. Gene was suffering from the emotional instability of Huntington's Disease (although we did not know it at the time) combined with the results of an abusive home life with an alcoholic stepfather. Finally, after Gene was visited by her mother and an uncle, the uncle observed physical symptoms and was convinced the "something was physically wrong with Gene." A visit to Loma Linda Medical Center resulted in the horrible diagnosis - Huntington's Disease.
I don't think any of us had any real idea what that meant at the time; but the horror gradually set it. A progressive, untreatable neuro-degenerative disease that frequently cripples emotionally, always cripples physically, and results in a long, lingering, isolated death. Worse, the disease is genetically transmitted by a 50-50 Mendellian gene. If you receive the gene from your parent, you WILL get the disease, and you have a 50-50 chance of passing it to each of you offspring.
At that time, there was no screening test. You simply had to wait until the disease sypmtoms showed up if one of your parents had the disease to know if you had inherited it. Most of the time, a person would already have passed the childbearing age before the sypmtoms would manifest themselves. We had already had our children.
To understand Karen's horror, you need to know just what her relationship to her mother had been. In Karen's mind, her mom had been a spoiled brat who transferred her housekeeping duties to Karen as soon as Karen was physically able to handle them. Her mother was jealous of the social life that Karen led; and her behaviour led to her mother and younger brother being banished from the naval base where the family lived to a neighboring city. There, she engaged in alcohol abuse and illicit affairs, resulting in a divorce.
With the diagnosis of HD and all of the implications of the disease, Karen feared that she would somehow follow in her mother's steps. At the same time, she felt sympathy for her mother's situation, and guilty for her previous need to be away from her mom as much as possible.
So here was this young mother with completely valid reasons for terror. She was watching her mom deteriorate before her eyes - feeling the guilt that she might have unfairly held her mom responsible for all of her behaviour - feeling guilty that she might have unknowingly already sentenced her own children to a similar fate, and her husband to a fate similar to her father's - and desperately seeking some promising answer to the horrible fate that had reared its ugly head; but finding absolutely none.
At the same time, she was still a vibrant, beautiful, capable, loving wife and mother. Over the next 13 years, she monitorred and managed her mother's care, managed our household, moved into and decorated a new home, taught Bible class for children and for women's ministry, and began the early decline of emotional control, while maintaining her grace and beauty.
So the worst day of her life was spent in terror of the future upon realizing the full implications of her mom's diagnosis.
Realize that in the past -of those who watched a parent go through HD, and then were forced to accept the reality that they were not only at risk, but had actually contracted the disease - fully half decided to end their own life rather than live through the disease process.
The right sad thing that Karen did was to deny the possibility of the disease, which ultimately gave her more years without the disease's influence than she could otherwise experience.
I do not say that everyone should deal with the disease this way; especially now that there is much promise of delaying the onset, treating the symptoms, or even its ultimate prevention and eradication. I only say that Karen's decision, as hard as it later seemed to us, probably gave us more healthy years with each other and with our children, and her service to the Lord.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
DEALING WITH DELUSIONS
First, if you have been reading, but not commenting, please do so, whether you agreee with the thoughts or not; or I will not know how this is touching you; or whether it is doing any good.
Today I heard someone else request aid in deciding how to deal with a loved one with truly delusional behaviour. To a rational person, especially a sensory, perceptive person, delusions and the behaviour related to delusions are completely irrational, and should NEVER be accepted. The very idea that decisions, choices, or even conversations be based on delusional fantasy runs contrary to the rational mind. As Mr. Spock would say - ILLOGICAL! ( although he would say it emotionlessly.)
Come and let us reason together, and see if that is so.
We all should know that often fear and anticipation are much worse than that which is feared or anticipated. A child may scream in terror in anticipation of a hypodermic needle, or a student may toss and turn with insomnia in anticipation of an exam, only to find that the shot has been delivered almost without being felt, or the exam has been passed without undue fatalities. For the deluded person, the delusional belief and its perceived reality may be much less painful that the uncontrollable reality which must otherwise be faced. Thus, a mind weakened by disease or trauma, unable to accept a dreaded reality may create a reality of its own that it can control to some extent, and thus be "happier" than it could in dealing with the truth. The truth not only contains realities that are unacceptable, but the reality that one is not in any way in control or able to influence those realities.
The trigger for this discussion was a very rational woman who had an aging relative with Parkinson's disease which had advanced to dementia and delusion. The person often had delusions regarding their surroundings and the identity of the caregivers/visitors. This loving relative wanted to know if it was ethical/"right" to correct the delusions so the person could experience reality (and the visit be much more enjoyable for the healthy visitors, including children.)
I personally struggled with this issue with Karen over the last several years of her life, especially when the delusions led to her belief that I was the source of her illness/distress. Those who provide care professionally for persons suffering from such disease advise not to contradict a delusional person nor to encourage their delusion, rather to reassure of their safety and love in a non-confrontational manner, giving them the maximum possible illusion of control for the sake of calming their fears.
Thus, when there was a fear that every form of chemical was producing toxic effects, we cleaned the house with baking soda only for years. We had hotel rooms wiped down with water and baking soda before moving in. When there was a fear that the water in the cottage was polluted or poisoned, I bought bottled water for drinking, and added a filter - letting her observe its removal from original packaging and installation - for washing.
When I took my daughter and her son to visit and the demon of fear of me returned, I simply left the cottage and let my daughter and grandson visit till we needed to leave; graciously accepting her request that I leave.
When Karen told me that she was sure that God had told her that she was getting better and that we soon could be together again, my reply was that God was good all the time; and he certainly had plans for our future. I would pray with her that the time of fulfillment would be soon.
Don't get me wrong - I did not always know to do this or how to do this. I am the sensory, perceptive, logical being that believed that the truth and reality is better than delusion; and for me I still believe that. But it was not the case for her.
We do not expect children to face all of stresses of adult life. We have "age-appropriate" ways of dealing with many subjects with children. We can let them tell us of their imaginary friends without quashing their imaginations. Most of us realize that "pretend" is a way to learn to deal with things that are beyond the capacity of the childish mind.
What we fail to do is to recognize the the sick or deluded mind may very well be one that for various reasons has regressed back to the point that it is even less capable of dealing with reality than the mind of a child. The challenge of recognizing what is "condition-appropriate" handling of situations is one we must sometimes rightly, sadly accept.
First, if you have been reading, but not commenting, please do so, whether you agreee with the thoughts or not; or I will not know how this is touching you; or whether it is doing any good.
Today I heard someone else request aid in deciding how to deal with a loved one with truly delusional behaviour. To a rational person, especially a sensory, perceptive person, delusions and the behaviour related to delusions are completely irrational, and should NEVER be accepted. The very idea that decisions, choices, or even conversations be based on delusional fantasy runs contrary to the rational mind. As Mr. Spock would say - ILLOGICAL! ( although he would say it emotionlessly.)
Come and let us reason together, and see if that is so.
We all should know that often fear and anticipation are much worse than that which is feared or anticipated. A child may scream in terror in anticipation of a hypodermic needle, or a student may toss and turn with insomnia in anticipation of an exam, only to find that the shot has been delivered almost without being felt, or the exam has been passed without undue fatalities. For the deluded person, the delusional belief and its perceived reality may be much less painful that the uncontrollable reality which must otherwise be faced. Thus, a mind weakened by disease or trauma, unable to accept a dreaded reality may create a reality of its own that it can control to some extent, and thus be "happier" than it could in dealing with the truth. The truth not only contains realities that are unacceptable, but the reality that one is not in any way in control or able to influence those realities.
The trigger for this discussion was a very rational woman who had an aging relative with Parkinson's disease which had advanced to dementia and delusion. The person often had delusions regarding their surroundings and the identity of the caregivers/visitors. This loving relative wanted to know if it was ethical/"right" to correct the delusions so the person could experience reality (and the visit be much more enjoyable for the healthy visitors, including children.)
I personally struggled with this issue with Karen over the last several years of her life, especially when the delusions led to her belief that I was the source of her illness/distress. Those who provide care professionally for persons suffering from such disease advise not to contradict a delusional person nor to encourage their delusion, rather to reassure of their safety and love in a non-confrontational manner, giving them the maximum possible illusion of control for the sake of calming their fears.
Thus, when there was a fear that every form of chemical was producing toxic effects, we cleaned the house with baking soda only for years. We had hotel rooms wiped down with water and baking soda before moving in. When there was a fear that the water in the cottage was polluted or poisoned, I bought bottled water for drinking, and added a filter - letting her observe its removal from original packaging and installation - for washing.
When I took my daughter and her son to visit and the demon of fear of me returned, I simply left the cottage and let my daughter and grandson visit till we needed to leave; graciously accepting her request that I leave.
When Karen told me that she was sure that God had told her that she was getting better and that we soon could be together again, my reply was that God was good all the time; and he certainly had plans for our future. I would pray with her that the time of fulfillment would be soon.
Don't get me wrong - I did not always know to do this or how to do this. I am the sensory, perceptive, logical being that believed that the truth and reality is better than delusion; and for me I still believe that. But it was not the case for her.
We do not expect children to face all of stresses of adult life. We have "age-appropriate" ways of dealing with many subjects with children. We can let them tell us of their imaginary friends without quashing their imaginations. Most of us realize that "pretend" is a way to learn to deal with things that are beyond the capacity of the childish mind.
What we fail to do is to recognize the the sick or deluded mind may very well be one that for various reasons has regressed back to the point that it is even less capable of dealing with reality than the mind of a child. The challenge of recognizing what is "condition-appropriate" handling of situations is one we must sometimes rightly, sadly accept.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Saying goodbye when you don't want to, but you need to:
Saying goodbye to someone we love is never an easy thing to do; no matter how needed that goodbye may be. Our bodies are not meant to dwell here on Earth forever; nor is the paltry degree of intimacy we may share here anything more than a shadow of of eternity.
Physical life and the intimacies we know here are amazing, joy-filled, incredibly fulfilling; and are to be cherished, nourished, protected, and preserved with all of our might. They are, however, secondary to the eternal life and the intimacies we will know if we live faithfully to God and His Way while here on Earth. What wonderful, elegant, simple, comforting phrases these are! Yet how painfully poignant when we are faced with the required reality of separation that must occur in order for this to be fulfilled. How emotionallly wrenching are the decisions that face us today in the process of that fulfillment.
Consider, for a moment, the life of an unborn infant. It really is pretty cushy - no worries about food, waste elimination, what to wear, unkind remarks, thermostat settings, thirst, falls, scrapes, etc. One might even describe it as idyllic, if somewhat boring, although the knowledge of any alternative would not be present. It even appears that this may be the way infants feel, because they rarely, if ever, enter into the real world environment for which they were designed expressing happiness about the change. It seems as if from the very inception of life that we humans resist change, if not completely fear it.
Yet what a tragedy it would be (indeed is) if the infants first priority were honored and that change did not take place. The joys, pains, exhilaration of life with all of its experiences would never be known. Indeed, we grieve for what did not occur when an unborn infant is aborted or still-born; never experiencing the pain, shock, and fear of birth.
If we truly believe in the "hope that lies within us"; then the Christian's grief must really be based on the experiences and intimacies that the living will not experience; for the dead have simply gone through the birthing procedure of "homo in excelsis", and are now experiencing joys and intimacies that we can hardly imagine.
That said; it is perfectly all right to grieve for our - the living's - loss of the present intimacies that occurs when we lose a loved one. It is a process that we may even need to go through for own sake; but we should recognize it as just that. Our loved one's earthly pains are over. It is a time to let our faith shine and be an example to the unbeliever.
What if our loved one did not know Christ? It is a time to recognize that God is God; and only He is able to save or condemn. It is not a time for personal recriminations - Did I say enough? Was I a good example? Should I have tried harder to convince them of their eternal worth. NONE OF US CAN SAVE OR CONDEMN ANOTHER SOUL!!!! We can only teach and "live like a believer." We can and must always be prepared to teach; and we can and must always try to live as an example of Christ to not only our loved one, but to all with whom we have contact. If we have not done this, then the death of a loved one can be seen as God's call to repentance and to Godly sorrow for negligence. If it does not trigger this repentance; then an entirely different reason to grieve exists.
Attendant with the end stages of life are often terrible decisions regarding the care of terminally ill loved ones. I can only offer opinions supported by observations.
1) Futile care is arrogant, selfish, and serves the living instead of the dying, and prolongs the suffering and delays the eternal reward of our loved one. I realize that these are harsh sounding words; but assuring that "Granny gets every possible treatment to prolong her life" when she has heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure, rheumatoid arthritis, does not recognize her care-giver, much less any of her family members- is not a sentiment of a loving, caring person; but is the sentiment of someone who futily is trying to prove to themselves and to those around them their love, regardless of the impact and suffering of the subject loved one.
Eighty percent of our health care dollars are spent in the last six months of life - to what end? It is easy to understand the desire to prolong life for a young parent or spouse; but why prolong the suffering of the tired, the broken, the worn-out body that has served God so well?
NOTE: This is not in any way to be construed as a justification for deliberately terminating the life of anyone - it is simply saying that deliberate prolongation when no significant hope of recovery exists is fully unwarranted. The termination of life support should only be contemplated when it is truly in the best interests of the person for whom the termination is contemplated; and the decision should never be made by one who be a beneficiary in the event of the pending death.
The right sad thing is to be prepared to make the hard decisions that broken, worn-out bodies are not meant to have a prolonged, painful existence - that death, while not to be sought out, is not to be feared but welcomed. Of course, this means that our faith must be nourished, lived, and shared with our loved ones and friends. It means recognizing that our sadness is for ourself - that no matter what the experiences "missed out on" by a young loved one's death; God has much greater experiences laid up for them beyond our imagining.
Unfortunately, the "real" right sad thing is to recognize that while we may teach and be prepared to do so, some of those we love will not choose God and eternal life. We may grieve for their choice; but we should always recognize that we must not let Satan quench our lamp by not joyously proclaiming life for those who heed His call, or by grieving selfishly for the separation we will know in eternity from such a loved one. God is able to heal even that deep a wound.
Saying goodbye to someone we love is never an easy thing to do; no matter how needed that goodbye may be. Our bodies are not meant to dwell here on Earth forever; nor is the paltry degree of intimacy we may share here anything more than a shadow of of eternity.
Physical life and the intimacies we know here are amazing, joy-filled, incredibly fulfilling; and are to be cherished, nourished, protected, and preserved with all of our might. They are, however, secondary to the eternal life and the intimacies we will know if we live faithfully to God and His Way while here on Earth. What wonderful, elegant, simple, comforting phrases these are! Yet how painfully poignant when we are faced with the required reality of separation that must occur in order for this to be fulfilled. How emotionallly wrenching are the decisions that face us today in the process of that fulfillment.
Consider, for a moment, the life of an unborn infant. It really is pretty cushy - no worries about food, waste elimination, what to wear, unkind remarks, thermostat settings, thirst, falls, scrapes, etc. One might even describe it as idyllic, if somewhat boring, although the knowledge of any alternative would not be present. It even appears that this may be the way infants feel, because they rarely, if ever, enter into the real world environment for which they were designed expressing happiness about the change. It seems as if from the very inception of life that we humans resist change, if not completely fear it.
Yet what a tragedy it would be (indeed is) if the infants first priority were honored and that change did not take place. The joys, pains, exhilaration of life with all of its experiences would never be known. Indeed, we grieve for what did not occur when an unborn infant is aborted or still-born; never experiencing the pain, shock, and fear of birth.
If we truly believe in the "hope that lies within us"; then the Christian's grief must really be based on the experiences and intimacies that the living will not experience; for the dead have simply gone through the birthing procedure of "homo in excelsis", and are now experiencing joys and intimacies that we can hardly imagine.
That said; it is perfectly all right to grieve for our - the living's - loss of the present intimacies that occurs when we lose a loved one. It is a process that we may even need to go through for own sake; but we should recognize it as just that. Our loved one's earthly pains are over. It is a time to let our faith shine and be an example to the unbeliever.
What if our loved one did not know Christ? It is a time to recognize that God is God; and only He is able to save or condemn. It is not a time for personal recriminations - Did I say enough? Was I a good example? Should I have tried harder to convince them of their eternal worth. NONE OF US CAN SAVE OR CONDEMN ANOTHER SOUL!!!! We can only teach and "live like a believer." We can and must always be prepared to teach; and we can and must always try to live as an example of Christ to not only our loved one, but to all with whom we have contact. If we have not done this, then the death of a loved one can be seen as God's call to repentance and to Godly sorrow for negligence. If it does not trigger this repentance; then an entirely different reason to grieve exists.
Attendant with the end stages of life are often terrible decisions regarding the care of terminally ill loved ones. I can only offer opinions supported by observations.
1) Futile care is arrogant, selfish, and serves the living instead of the dying, and prolongs the suffering and delays the eternal reward of our loved one. I realize that these are harsh sounding words; but assuring that "Granny gets every possible treatment to prolong her life" when she has heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure, rheumatoid arthritis, does not recognize her care-giver, much less any of her family members- is not a sentiment of a loving, caring person; but is the sentiment of someone who futily is trying to prove to themselves and to those around them their love, regardless of the impact and suffering of the subject loved one.
Eighty percent of our health care dollars are spent in the last six months of life - to what end? It is easy to understand the desire to prolong life for a young parent or spouse; but why prolong the suffering of the tired, the broken, the worn-out body that has served God so well?
NOTE: This is not in any way to be construed as a justification for deliberately terminating the life of anyone - it is simply saying that deliberate prolongation when no significant hope of recovery exists is fully unwarranted. The termination of life support should only be contemplated when it is truly in the best interests of the person for whom the termination is contemplated; and the decision should never be made by one who be a beneficiary in the event of the pending death.
The right sad thing is to be prepared to make the hard decisions that broken, worn-out bodies are not meant to have a prolonged, painful existence - that death, while not to be sought out, is not to be feared but welcomed. Of course, this means that our faith must be nourished, lived, and shared with our loved ones and friends. It means recognizing that our sadness is for ourself - that no matter what the experiences "missed out on" by a young loved one's death; God has much greater experiences laid up for them beyond our imagining.
Unfortunately, the "real" right sad thing is to recognize that while we may teach and be prepared to do so, some of those we love will not choose God and eternal life. We may grieve for their choice; but we should always recognize that we must not let Satan quench our lamp by not joyously proclaiming life for those who heed His call, or by grieving selfishly for the separation we will know in eternity from such a loved one. God is able to heal even that deep a wound.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
What should I pray for?
Last time I talked about how God answers prayer; so now what should I pray for? Should I only pray for "unselfish" things? Should I pray for whatever is on my heart? Should I pray for whatever prayer request someone approaches me with, or should I be a filter and impose my own viewpoints on the request and rethink their request?
If I make every request on my heart known to God, how does He decide which to grant and which to deny?
There are no easy answers; but here are my thoughts and experiences.
Thirty-five years ago, we loaded all of our belonging in a moving van, and ourselves (Karen, Bobby - age 3, and Prince - a German shepherd aged 6 months) into our Mercury Cougar - an impractically small sports coupe - and proceeded to move from California to Virginia. Prince was moderately well house broken, just finished teething on shoes, purses, toys and other non- consummables, but was used to doing his "duty" on the grass in our urban California back yard. There is no grass across southern California, Arizona or New Mexico in September; so the dog would not go at rest stops (even those had no grass in those days), and we had "accidents" in the car and Motel rooms as we crossed the country. The poor dog was constipated from California to the middle of Oklahoma, where there finally was grass available; but nothing seemed to move him. I sat exhausted for an interminable time waiting for relief to no avail. I did not want to "bother God" with such a mundane request; but I finally did that in desperation. As I raised my head from prayer; the first thing I saw was the dog relieving himself; and for the remainder of the trip there were no more untoward incidents.
On the other hand, I have a large list of times that God has said "no" to what seemed to me to be far more important requests. Karen and I spent many hours on our knees praying that the curse of Huntington's Disease would not haunt our family - but God said "no, but I will be with you through this trial." I prayed for God to open the door for the Navy to provide my college training through three separate programs; but God said "No, wait. I have something much better in mind for you"; and he provided me training in a field where my work could be for the relief of suffering in virtually every nation; and I could be with my family instead of separated from them.
So ultimately, I believe that we should pray as we are guided in the scripture - as a child would ask of his parents. If we pray believing, then God will instruct us as to the propriety of our prayers, and we will learn to maturely communicate with our Father. "Ask what you will, your prayer shall be granted. The Father loves me; so I have loved you." As we mature, our requests will become more mature; and we will pray for what lays up treasure in heaven instead of here on earth.
Some believe that God, if He is there and cares, is capricious - sometimes helping, sometimes ignoring. Others, having received a "no" have decided that He is either not there or that He does not care.
I believe that his answer is always one that CAN lead to the greatest growth for us and the greated Glory for goodness IF we choose to let it.
It grieved me greatly that a young lady I dated before Karen "dumped" me because it would take me too long to become the millionaire that she wanted to marry. I was grieved at her judgment - for her spiritual life as well as for our relationship; and prayed that she would see the error of her choice for her own sake. In retrospect, it was obvious that this was not a spiritural partner that would have been a companion for a life of service to God; and God's "no" related to: 1) each person must choose Him on his or her own account - God will not cause anyone whose heart does not choose godliness to accept His ways. That is a choice each of us has to make on our own. 2) God had a very Godly, spiritual mate in mind for me where each of us could serve alongside the other, grow the other, challenge the other, support the other and be His.
I could have chosen to be angry with God over the intrusion that HD made in our lives. I did not plan to be spiritually single for 10 years prior to losing the wife I wanted to grow old with - to visit our grandchildren with, to travel with - and on and on and on. But time after time, God always ultimately provided a way that in retrospect was "very good."
No, I am not a "Pollyanna". HD is not "very good." Paranoid delusions are not "very good." Years alone are not "very good." Crucifixion is not "very good." A crown of thorns is not "very good." However, just as the results of Christ's suffering brought about the salvation of mankind; and there was no other way that this could be accomplished, in spite of Christ's prayer that there might be just that, there must have been no other way for me to be broken and molded into some tool for God to use as He sees fit than for my family to have to suffer through this trial.
I do not know just what He intends to make of all of this - I just know that I want to be ready whenever He calls. Was it just to let my brothers and sisters in Christ support me through this and to learn that the unbearable is bearable even if uncomprehensible? Was it just to hold my pride in check? Am I really responding in the way He wants in this? I can only continue to pray that He will send the wisdom He promises in response to prayer, and that in His own time He will reveal His plans in an obvious way that glorifies Him, and not me, because I believe that His answer to prayer is always one that can lead to His glory if we submit our lives to His will.
Last time I talked about how God answers prayer; so now what should I pray for? Should I only pray for "unselfish" things? Should I pray for whatever is on my heart? Should I pray for whatever prayer request someone approaches me with, or should I be a filter and impose my own viewpoints on the request and rethink their request?
If I make every request on my heart known to God, how does He decide which to grant and which to deny?
There are no easy answers; but here are my thoughts and experiences.
Thirty-five years ago, we loaded all of our belonging in a moving van, and ourselves (Karen, Bobby - age 3, and Prince - a German shepherd aged 6 months) into our Mercury Cougar - an impractically small sports coupe - and proceeded to move from California to Virginia. Prince was moderately well house broken, just finished teething on shoes, purses, toys and other non- consummables, but was used to doing his "duty" on the grass in our urban California back yard. There is no grass across southern California, Arizona or New Mexico in September; so the dog would not go at rest stops (even those had no grass in those days), and we had "accidents" in the car and Motel rooms as we crossed the country. The poor dog was constipated from California to the middle of Oklahoma, where there finally was grass available; but nothing seemed to move him. I sat exhausted for an interminable time waiting for relief to no avail. I did not want to "bother God" with such a mundane request; but I finally did that in desperation. As I raised my head from prayer; the first thing I saw was the dog relieving himself; and for the remainder of the trip there were no more untoward incidents.
On the other hand, I have a large list of times that God has said "no" to what seemed to me to be far more important requests. Karen and I spent many hours on our knees praying that the curse of Huntington's Disease would not haunt our family - but God said "no, but I will be with you through this trial." I prayed for God to open the door for the Navy to provide my college training through three separate programs; but God said "No, wait. I have something much better in mind for you"; and he provided me training in a field where my work could be for the relief of suffering in virtually every nation; and I could be with my family instead of separated from them.
So ultimately, I believe that we should pray as we are guided in the scripture - as a child would ask of his parents. If we pray believing, then God will instruct us as to the propriety of our prayers, and we will learn to maturely communicate with our Father. "Ask what you will, your prayer shall be granted. The Father loves me; so I have loved you." As we mature, our requests will become more mature; and we will pray for what lays up treasure in heaven instead of here on earth.
Some believe that God, if He is there and cares, is capricious - sometimes helping, sometimes ignoring. Others, having received a "no" have decided that He is either not there or that He does not care.
I believe that his answer is always one that CAN lead to the greatest growth for us and the greated Glory for goodness IF we choose to let it.
It grieved me greatly that a young lady I dated before Karen "dumped" me because it would take me too long to become the millionaire that she wanted to marry. I was grieved at her judgment - for her spiritual life as well as for our relationship; and prayed that she would see the error of her choice for her own sake. In retrospect, it was obvious that this was not a spiritural partner that would have been a companion for a life of service to God; and God's "no" related to: 1) each person must choose Him on his or her own account - God will not cause anyone whose heart does not choose godliness to accept His ways. That is a choice each of us has to make on our own. 2) God had a very Godly, spiritual mate in mind for me where each of us could serve alongside the other, grow the other, challenge the other, support the other and be His.
I could have chosen to be angry with God over the intrusion that HD made in our lives. I did not plan to be spiritually single for 10 years prior to losing the wife I wanted to grow old with - to visit our grandchildren with, to travel with - and on and on and on. But time after time, God always ultimately provided a way that in retrospect was "very good."
No, I am not a "Pollyanna". HD is not "very good." Paranoid delusions are not "very good." Years alone are not "very good." Crucifixion is not "very good." A crown of thorns is not "very good." However, just as the results of Christ's suffering brought about the salvation of mankind; and there was no other way that this could be accomplished, in spite of Christ's prayer that there might be just that, there must have been no other way for me to be broken and molded into some tool for God to use as He sees fit than for my family to have to suffer through this trial.
I do not know just what He intends to make of all of this - I just know that I want to be ready whenever He calls. Was it just to let my brothers and sisters in Christ support me through this and to learn that the unbearable is bearable even if uncomprehensible? Was it just to hold my pride in check? Am I really responding in the way He wants in this? I can only continue to pray that He will send the wisdom He promises in response to prayer, and that in His own time He will reveal His plans in an obvious way that glorifies Him, and not me, because I believe that His answer to prayer is always one that can lead to His glory if we submit our lives to His will.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
About "Unaswered Prayer"
"Why doesn't God answer my prayer? Why doesn't He fix what is so wrong and so painful in my life? If He is such a good and loving Father, then why does He let me suffer? Why do innocent children suffer? If He anwered prayer long ago as recorded in the Bible, why does He not do the same now?"
First, a little of my personal theology. I strongly believe that the answer to most of these questions is recorded in 1 Corinthians 12-13. Miraculous intervention was used throughout Biblical history to prove that God was GOD, and His messengers who spoke for Him did indeed speak for Him. The world was and is a battlefield for the minions of evil trying to demonstrate the ultimate superiority of EVIL over GOOD. This is a war that we can never hope to fully understand on this side of eternity; and one of the rules of engagement is that we must fight it in Faith. GOOD has already won the war. Like mad fanatics Evil can only cause GOOD to suffer by persuading God's creatures not to follow the Way back to Himself that God provided. Satan is denied even this perverted satisfaction if creatures of independent will and self-determination actively choose to follow the way of Goodness and reject the way of EVIL. In the first skirmish of the battle, EVIL won, with mankind chosing to disobey and long for self-determination of right and wrong. Note that it was not the appearance of the fruit that was the real temptation; rather that one could discern right and wrong for oneself and be "as wise as God." But "God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son....." The mighty ruler of the universe loved His creations so much that he was unwilling to leave them in the fate destined for His enemies - He demonstrated who He was by His miraculous power, and then left a means whereby his creations could demonstrate that they were truly His by living out that same LOVE - a love that loves the unloveable. He even made that possible by the indwelling of His Spirit, knowing that mankind lacked the power to do son on his own.
One of the unspoken tenets of salvation is the rejection of the original sin - the desire to discern for ourselves what is right and wrong, what is wise or foolish, ultimately what is good or evil. We are continually tempted to do just that. We make decisions without praying for wisdom. We flaunt the wisdon we are granted by rejecting God's counsel because we want a different outcome. We pray for a long, healthy physical life instead of a useful duty assignment in His battle against EVIL and the attendant reward of faithful service to Him. (Not that we don't want the reward, we just don't want the hard duty assignments.)
We pray for healthy, beautiful, prosperous children instead of for spiritual children as jewels in our crown of Glory. (Often, we hope someone else's bright intelligent children will seek to serve God as their profession, so that we can have exciting times of corporate worship; but pray that our own will have a more conventional worldly form of prosperity.)
We seek an attractive, prosperous spouse instead of first requiring that that help-mate be a spiritual partner who is primarily interested in our everlasting life.
The bottom line for me is that God is not there to fix all of our problems and make life "happy" for us; but that He has sent His Spirit, the Comforter, to enable us to bear up under any skirmish that Satan sends our way. He has enabled us, through faith, to know who has won - not the battle, but the war. We are saved by grace through faith - not by deed or by proof or by doubt. We are saved "so that we may do good works", not so that we can continually be on R&R from the war on EVIL.
Yet, what hope we have! What eternal joy we can live! The only casualties in this war are those who do not choose to live by Faith; or those who choose to live and then desert the battle when physical casualties ensue. It is Satan who whispers "Why doesn't God stop the suffering?" when Satan himself is the source of that suffering. Remember the temptation Satan sent to Job through his wife - "curse God and die!" Satan seeks to have us blame God for the evil he (Satan) perpetrates on the world.
Why doesn't God fix all of the ills of this world and stop the evil that is ongoing? Because He has charged us with the demonstration that Love is more important than all of these things. We need to demonstrate that we are truly made in His image by Loving the unloveable, the way that he loved us by bearing the burden of our sins with the blood of His Son. We cannot know eternal life without being made over in His image; and the definition of that image is "God IS Love." Self-sacrificing, divine love - not a squishy feeling - not a warm feeling - but a way of thinking that always acts for the good of the loved object; not for one's own comfort, health, or well-being. The right sad thing is recognizing that God's Son came to live and die on a mission that today we would call a "suicide mission." We are called to walk in His steps, not on His back.
God has already answered every prayer that we have to offer with the power to overcome - the power to triumph - the power to glorify GOOD - the Father in the way that we respond to every challenge.
I have heard it said that God answers prayer in three ways - Yes, No, and wait. I am certain there is a fourth way - I have already given you more than you need to deal with this; and you know what that is and how to draw on it. Let the Spirit work within you and "do not quench my Holy Spirit."
"Why doesn't God answer my prayer? Why doesn't He fix what is so wrong and so painful in my life? If He is such a good and loving Father, then why does He let me suffer? Why do innocent children suffer? If He anwered prayer long ago as recorded in the Bible, why does He not do the same now?"
First, a little of my personal theology. I strongly believe that the answer to most of these questions is recorded in 1 Corinthians 12-13. Miraculous intervention was used throughout Biblical history to prove that God was GOD, and His messengers who spoke for Him did indeed speak for Him. The world was and is a battlefield for the minions of evil trying to demonstrate the ultimate superiority of EVIL over GOOD. This is a war that we can never hope to fully understand on this side of eternity; and one of the rules of engagement is that we must fight it in Faith. GOOD has already won the war. Like mad fanatics Evil can only cause GOOD to suffer by persuading God's creatures not to follow the Way back to Himself that God provided. Satan is denied even this perverted satisfaction if creatures of independent will and self-determination actively choose to follow the way of Goodness and reject the way of EVIL. In the first skirmish of the battle, EVIL won, with mankind chosing to disobey and long for self-determination of right and wrong. Note that it was not the appearance of the fruit that was the real temptation; rather that one could discern right and wrong for oneself and be "as wise as God." But "God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son....." The mighty ruler of the universe loved His creations so much that he was unwilling to leave them in the fate destined for His enemies - He demonstrated who He was by His miraculous power, and then left a means whereby his creations could demonstrate that they were truly His by living out that same LOVE - a love that loves the unloveable. He even made that possible by the indwelling of His Spirit, knowing that mankind lacked the power to do son on his own.
One of the unspoken tenets of salvation is the rejection of the original sin - the desire to discern for ourselves what is right and wrong, what is wise or foolish, ultimately what is good or evil. We are continually tempted to do just that. We make decisions without praying for wisdom. We flaunt the wisdon we are granted by rejecting God's counsel because we want a different outcome. We pray for a long, healthy physical life instead of a useful duty assignment in His battle against EVIL and the attendant reward of faithful service to Him. (Not that we don't want the reward, we just don't want the hard duty assignments.)
We pray for healthy, beautiful, prosperous children instead of for spiritual children as jewels in our crown of Glory. (Often, we hope someone else's bright intelligent children will seek to serve God as their profession, so that we can have exciting times of corporate worship; but pray that our own will have a more conventional worldly form of prosperity.)
We seek an attractive, prosperous spouse instead of first requiring that that help-mate be a spiritual partner who is primarily interested in our everlasting life.
The bottom line for me is that God is not there to fix all of our problems and make life "happy" for us; but that He has sent His Spirit, the Comforter, to enable us to bear up under any skirmish that Satan sends our way. He has enabled us, through faith, to know who has won - not the battle, but the war. We are saved by grace through faith - not by deed or by proof or by doubt. We are saved "so that we may do good works", not so that we can continually be on R&R from the war on EVIL.
Yet, what hope we have! What eternal joy we can live! The only casualties in this war are those who do not choose to live by Faith; or those who choose to live and then desert the battle when physical casualties ensue. It is Satan who whispers "Why doesn't God stop the suffering?" when Satan himself is the source of that suffering. Remember the temptation Satan sent to Job through his wife - "curse God and die!" Satan seeks to have us blame God for the evil he (Satan) perpetrates on the world.
Why doesn't God fix all of the ills of this world and stop the evil that is ongoing? Because He has charged us with the demonstration that Love is more important than all of these things. We need to demonstrate that we are truly made in His image by Loving the unloveable, the way that he loved us by bearing the burden of our sins with the blood of His Son. We cannot know eternal life without being made over in His image; and the definition of that image is "God IS Love." Self-sacrificing, divine love - not a squishy feeling - not a warm feeling - but a way of thinking that always acts for the good of the loved object; not for one's own comfort, health, or well-being. The right sad thing is recognizing that God's Son came to live and die on a mission that today we would call a "suicide mission." We are called to walk in His steps, not on His back.
God has already answered every prayer that we have to offer with the power to overcome - the power to triumph - the power to glorify GOOD - the Father in the way that we respond to every challenge.
I have heard it said that God answers prayer in three ways - Yes, No, and wait. I am certain there is a fourth way - I have already given you more than you need to deal with this; and you know what that is and how to draw on it. Let the Spirit work within you and "do not quench my Holy Spirit."
Monday, October 09, 2006
Another example from current news.
First, let me say that I know very little of the details of the crime on which this story is based. I will not speculate on the details, the motives, nor the outcome of any trials that are pending. What I will discuss is the way one of the lives impacted by this crime reacted and the impact his response should have on us.
On a Wednesday night in September, Mary Winkler killed her husband, a Church of Christ minister with a shotgun, took her 3 small children in the family van and fled toward the coast of Alabama. After her husband's body was discovered by church members, an Amber alert was posted, and Mary was apprehended with the children in an eating establishment in Alabama.
Mary's father-in-law, Dan Winkler, an adjunct professor of Bible at Freed-Hardeman University was called to pick up the children, which he did, then drove 14 hours back to his home on Saturday, arriving late Saturday evening.
Dan was a minister who had been scheduled to speak, but due to events that had transpired, it was not expected that he would be able to do so, and a substitute had been arranged for that Sunday morning. Dan, however, believed that he had a message that he had to deliver, and so he did speak. I was privileged to hear his recorded message last night, and to hear a discussion on its impact. I am only disappointed that every human on this earth cannot hear that message and the example of Christian love that exuded from every word.
First, I will comment on some blogs that I visited that speculatively tried to explain some "reasons" why this event must have happened. One in particular was by someone who had attended a few very conservative CoCs and had concluded that they institutionally repressed women to the point of frustration and desparity. Others commented on the horror of living as a minister's wife in a "fishbowl" environment that was unbearable. Still others commented on having a CoC minister father/husband/minister who laughed at threats to expose his misdeeds since his external persona was so loved and trusted by congregants. How utterly unredeemable such speculation is without any substantiation! It is only proof that prejudice will always have a tendency to arise based on one's past experience, and that prejudice will always impede the right relationship with our fellow humans and with God. A judgmental personality that makes up its mind based on non-existent or limited data is such a great source of grief and hatred.
Yet Dan exuded love and gratitude, after losing a son who had been such a delight to his father. NOTE: I do not comment that "there must have been something wrong in the marriage", nor "Dan's son must have some darker side of his personality that his father did not know", nor do I try to miraculously infer some understanding for which there is yet no basis. In my life I have observed many causes of horrible events, including pure fate; and physiologically functional disorders. I have been falsely accused by delusional loved ones; and at other times been so angry that I did some regrettable act or spoke unfortunate, harmful words. I know that there is simply no basis for me or anyone else to have the hubris to speculate as to motives and/or partial blame for the precipitation of this event.
What I do know is that Dan, the murdered man's father embraced his daughter-in-law after she confessed to the deed, and told her of his love for her in spite of what she had done.
I know that Dan thanked the news media for their participation in the Amber alert, and for honoring his request to refrain from questions to the family in order to protect the innocence of the 3 children.
I know that Dan had no words of rancor for anyone as he thanked his home congregation for their support.
I know that he showed the kind of love that Christ did on the cross as he asked his Father to forgive the murderers while they were engaged in the act.
If you cannot forgive the "oppressor" while they are engaged in the oppression, then you don't really understand the love of Christ. You may be expecting that you are entitled to anger and justice for the wrongs done to you while begging for mercy and grace for the wrongs you perpetrated on the Saviour of the world. You may have been quenching the Holy Spirit of Christ as He tries to dwell in you. You certainly cannot know peace as long as there is no forgiveness in your heart.
The right sad thing is loving the unloveable and forgive the unforgiveable, even while they are perpetrating a heinous deed.
First, let me say that I know very little of the details of the crime on which this story is based. I will not speculate on the details, the motives, nor the outcome of any trials that are pending. What I will discuss is the way one of the lives impacted by this crime reacted and the impact his response should have on us.
On a Wednesday night in September, Mary Winkler killed her husband, a Church of Christ minister with a shotgun, took her 3 small children in the family van and fled toward the coast of Alabama. After her husband's body was discovered by church members, an Amber alert was posted, and Mary was apprehended with the children in an eating establishment in Alabama.
Mary's father-in-law, Dan Winkler, an adjunct professor of Bible at Freed-Hardeman University was called to pick up the children, which he did, then drove 14 hours back to his home on Saturday, arriving late Saturday evening.
Dan was a minister who had been scheduled to speak, but due to events that had transpired, it was not expected that he would be able to do so, and a substitute had been arranged for that Sunday morning. Dan, however, believed that he had a message that he had to deliver, and so he did speak. I was privileged to hear his recorded message last night, and to hear a discussion on its impact. I am only disappointed that every human on this earth cannot hear that message and the example of Christian love that exuded from every word.
First, I will comment on some blogs that I visited that speculatively tried to explain some "reasons" why this event must have happened. One in particular was by someone who had attended a few very conservative CoCs and had concluded that they institutionally repressed women to the point of frustration and desparity. Others commented on the horror of living as a minister's wife in a "fishbowl" environment that was unbearable. Still others commented on having a CoC minister father/husband/minister who laughed at threats to expose his misdeeds since his external persona was so loved and trusted by congregants. How utterly unredeemable such speculation is without any substantiation! It is only proof that prejudice will always have a tendency to arise based on one's past experience, and that prejudice will always impede the right relationship with our fellow humans and with God. A judgmental personality that makes up its mind based on non-existent or limited data is such a great source of grief and hatred.
Yet Dan exuded love and gratitude, after losing a son who had been such a delight to his father. NOTE: I do not comment that "there must have been something wrong in the marriage", nor "Dan's son must have some darker side of his personality that his father did not know", nor do I try to miraculously infer some understanding for which there is yet no basis. In my life I have observed many causes of horrible events, including pure fate; and physiologically functional disorders. I have been falsely accused by delusional loved ones; and at other times been so angry that I did some regrettable act or spoke unfortunate, harmful words. I know that there is simply no basis for me or anyone else to have the hubris to speculate as to motives and/or partial blame for the precipitation of this event.
What I do know is that Dan, the murdered man's father embraced his daughter-in-law after she confessed to the deed, and told her of his love for her in spite of what she had done.
I know that Dan thanked the news media for their participation in the Amber alert, and for honoring his request to refrain from questions to the family in order to protect the innocence of the 3 children.
I know that Dan had no words of rancor for anyone as he thanked his home congregation for their support.
I know that he showed the kind of love that Christ did on the cross as he asked his Father to forgive the murderers while they were engaged in the act.
If you cannot forgive the "oppressor" while they are engaged in the oppression, then you don't really understand the love of Christ. You may be expecting that you are entitled to anger and justice for the wrongs done to you while begging for mercy and grace for the wrongs you perpetrated on the Saviour of the world. You may have been quenching the Holy Spirit of Christ as He tries to dwell in you. You certainly cannot know peace as long as there is no forgiveness in your heart.
The right sad thing is loving the unloveable and forgive the unforgiveable, even while they are perpetrating a heinous deed.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
A simple living example.
This week has seen events of extreme vileness and extreme godliness - all at the same site and at the same event. Elementary schoolgirls were take captive by a deranged man intent on molestation and ultimately suicide in a one-room school in an Amish community. When this man's plans were thwarted by the arrival of civil authorities, he had barricaded the entrances in such a way as to give himself time to execute several of the girls before killing himself - "ruining the lives of the girls and their families" - or did he?
Before the girls were buried, several of the families who had lost precious, innocent daughters had made simply astonishing statements. That had forgiven the man who had perpetrated the atrocity. They had even stated that they were glad that it had happened to their daughters, who were God-fearing and God-trusting instead of to girls who did not have a relationship with God. What grace! What faith! What unselfish love for the children of others.
Would those parents have stopped the man if they could? Of course they would. Do they grieve for the children's lives that will never be? Of course they do; but at the same time they rejoice in the the faith that they have concerning their children's faith; and their promised rewards.
One of my favorite songs when I was a child was "Faith of Our Fathers." One of the lines of a stanza reads: "How sweet would be their children's fate, if they, like them, could die for thee."
The reality is that dying for one's faith is often easier than living one's faith. In living our faith we may need to forgive the child molester, the murderer, the adulterer, the thief, the loved one who betrays or injures. Living one's faith requires not only that we forgive those who sin against us; who hurt us or our loved ones; but that we forgive ourselves of our own secret sins as we repent and confess them to the Father. Only the forgiven can be forgiving; and when we harbor unforgiveness, we cannot fulfill Christ's commands to "love our enemies" and to "pray for those who despitefully use you." Yes, even if the ones using us wrongly are those we should expect to be loving us, protecting us, shielding us from Satan's darts.
"Are we there yet?" Are we made over into the image of Christ so that we can live our faith? I don't think any of us reach that full level in this life; but we can set that destination in our guidance system and let God take over the task.
The right sad thing today is forgiving the unforgiveable - whether it is the horrible atrocity or the betrayal perpetrated by our loved one (or ourself), or the insult delivered by the best friend or worst fiend. Remember that "Forgive them, they know not what they do" was not spoken to penitents; but to the lynch mob murdering the the innocent Lamb of God.
This week has seen events of extreme vileness and extreme godliness - all at the same site and at the same event. Elementary schoolgirls were take captive by a deranged man intent on molestation and ultimately suicide in a one-room school in an Amish community. When this man's plans were thwarted by the arrival of civil authorities, he had barricaded the entrances in such a way as to give himself time to execute several of the girls before killing himself - "ruining the lives of the girls and their families" - or did he?
Before the girls were buried, several of the families who had lost precious, innocent daughters had made simply astonishing statements. That had forgiven the man who had perpetrated the atrocity. They had even stated that they were glad that it had happened to their daughters, who were God-fearing and God-trusting instead of to girls who did not have a relationship with God. What grace! What faith! What unselfish love for the children of others.
Would those parents have stopped the man if they could? Of course they would. Do they grieve for the children's lives that will never be? Of course they do; but at the same time they rejoice in the the faith that they have concerning their children's faith; and their promised rewards.
One of my favorite songs when I was a child was "Faith of Our Fathers." One of the lines of a stanza reads: "How sweet would be their children's fate, if they, like them, could die for thee."
The reality is that dying for one's faith is often easier than living one's faith. In living our faith we may need to forgive the child molester, the murderer, the adulterer, the thief, the loved one who betrays or injures. Living one's faith requires not only that we forgive those who sin against us; who hurt us or our loved ones; but that we forgive ourselves of our own secret sins as we repent and confess them to the Father. Only the forgiven can be forgiving; and when we harbor unforgiveness, we cannot fulfill Christ's commands to "love our enemies" and to "pray for those who despitefully use you." Yes, even if the ones using us wrongly are those we should expect to be loving us, protecting us, shielding us from Satan's darts.
"Are we there yet?" Are we made over into the image of Christ so that we can live our faith? I don't think any of us reach that full level in this life; but we can set that destination in our guidance system and let God take over the task.
The right sad thing today is forgiving the unforgiveable - whether it is the horrible atrocity or the betrayal perpetrated by our loved one (or ourself), or the insult delivered by the best friend or worst fiend. Remember that "Forgive them, they know not what they do" was not spoken to penitents; but to the lynch mob murdering the the innocent Lamb of God.
Monday, October 02, 2006
About denial, and how to live with it.
Denial is probably one of the most commonly used (or misused) survival techniques when dealing with really bad news. One of the first things we may want to do or say when confronted with the horrific or unimaginable is "I can't believe! No, this can't be happening." If we are mentally healthy, then we quickly adjust to the news, grieve for the news (a process, not a project that can be quickly accomplished) and learn to gradually accept and live with the facts we previously thought to be impossible or unacceptable. If we are healthy, we do this even if the situation cannot be made right. If our theology is right, we have faith that God can make the greatest of tragedies have meaning and purpose that results in His glorification; and good is accomplished in the world. It takes real faith to believe that the death of an innocent child can accomplish some good. It takes courage to face the certainty of one's own mortality when the means to that is some horrific disease. It takes a faith that transcends that of most believers to have sufficient confidence in the love of God that all fear is cast aside. But, it is a faith that can be developed, and one which requires renewal, regeneration, encouragement on a daily basis.
"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." I believe that this applies to much more that simply knowing and understanding God's word. I believe that this applies to our own mortality, our relationships, virtually every aspect of our lives. But it takes strength to accept truth and be free of fear.
Fear keeps us from enjoying so very much of life. I watched my 10 year old daughter stand at the end of a diving board again and again, afraid that the entry into the water would hurt her if she went in head first. Again and again she would hesitate on the end and ultimately jump in with feet and hands entering simultaneously. No demonstrations by her brother, her mother, or myself could convince her that the head-first entry of a dive would not hurt her. We pleaded, we cajoled, we promised, but the legs would fold at the last second and and hands and feet entry would result, with its attendant disappointment. Finally, the courage developed (or she slipped) so that she went in head first; and the result was astonishing. She immediately swam to the side and repeated the dive - over and over; now assured that the water would not hurt her if she went in head first. While swimming is a benign form of recreation; there are so many things in life that we should view in just this manner - for the Christian including physical decline and death. Unfortunately, we don't get to do it over and over once we get it right. We can, however, experience life vicariously through our Christian brothers and sisters who do get it right, and develop the courage we need by following in their footsteps
We sing the song "Where's thy victory, boasting grave.....Where, O Death is now thy sting"; yet we shrink from the brink when the bell sounds its toll for us or for our loved ones.
Death and pain are just as much a part of life here on Earth as are birth and pleasure. They are transient stages/conditions that must be endured if we are to enter eternity to live with the father. To face these stages or conditions with denial places an unbearable burden on ourselves, our loved ones, and those who would help us through life's journey.
"I can't take anymore!" is a denial - a denial that God is with us, a denial of the power of the Holy Spirit, and a denial that God can make all things ultimately work together for good to those that love Him. Denial by an otherwise healthy person is tantamount to cowardice in the face of the enemy. It will never glorifiy God; and it will never work for joy.
Do not misunderstand; this is not an indictment of those who are mentally compromised. I believe that those are opportunities for the healthy Christian to show compassion, tolerance, endurance; and most of all real sacrificial love. Submission is not going along with someone when we agree with them or their approach; it is going along when we disagree. It is letting them have their own sometimes deluded way when we would never do it that way ourselves.
I am now 60 years of age, in apparent good health (except for my left fibula; and that should be fine in a few more weeks); and I take pretty good care of myself - not so that I can live a long time; but so that I can live well as long as I live. I really view my body as a tool that God has entrusted to me. He expects me to use it, clean it, care for it, and generally maintain its utility until it is worn out or broken in His service. After that, He will call me home. He does not expect me to worship the tool, or preserve it for its own sake, or to prolong my life here. This world is not my home - it is my tour of duty in His war with evil. I already know who has won the war; but I am called to be a soldier in the fight. Any time that I refuse to believe or accept the KP at the rear of the action or the suicide charge at the front; I am a deserter to His cause. That is not an option. I do not get to choose my duty station; God is my commanding general. I do not volunteer for suicide charges, nor do I sign up for KP - I am a soldier; and I go where I am sent by His will. If I am sent to grieve the loss of a child, a spouse, my health; then I will accept the assignment as I did my orders to sea when in the Navy. Now as then; God will provide the means to endure; and shorten the time of trial to the bearable point, and in the end be glorified.
I would urge with all of my might that any reader of this resolve to be one who faces life abandoning denial, and accepting with grace whatever fate dispenses in such a way that God is glorified. Bearing the unbearable, hoping the impossible, forgiving the unforgiveable, loving the unloveable, dying the hero's death once instead of the coward's 1000 deaths, with the surety and hope of the resurrection.
Denial is probably one of the most commonly used (or misused) survival techniques when dealing with really bad news. One of the first things we may want to do or say when confronted with the horrific or unimaginable is "I can't believe! No, this can't be happening." If we are mentally healthy, then we quickly adjust to the news, grieve for the news (a process, not a project that can be quickly accomplished) and learn to gradually accept and live with the facts we previously thought to be impossible or unacceptable. If we are healthy, we do this even if the situation cannot be made right. If our theology is right, we have faith that God can make the greatest of tragedies have meaning and purpose that results in His glorification; and good is accomplished in the world. It takes real faith to believe that the death of an innocent child can accomplish some good. It takes courage to face the certainty of one's own mortality when the means to that is some horrific disease. It takes a faith that transcends that of most believers to have sufficient confidence in the love of God that all fear is cast aside. But, it is a faith that can be developed, and one which requires renewal, regeneration, encouragement on a daily basis.
"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." I believe that this applies to much more that simply knowing and understanding God's word. I believe that this applies to our own mortality, our relationships, virtually every aspect of our lives. But it takes strength to accept truth and be free of fear.
Fear keeps us from enjoying so very much of life. I watched my 10 year old daughter stand at the end of a diving board again and again, afraid that the entry into the water would hurt her if she went in head first. Again and again she would hesitate on the end and ultimately jump in with feet and hands entering simultaneously. No demonstrations by her brother, her mother, or myself could convince her that the head-first entry of a dive would not hurt her. We pleaded, we cajoled, we promised, but the legs would fold at the last second and and hands and feet entry would result, with its attendant disappointment. Finally, the courage developed (or she slipped) so that she went in head first; and the result was astonishing. She immediately swam to the side and repeated the dive - over and over; now assured that the water would not hurt her if she went in head first. While swimming is a benign form of recreation; there are so many things in life that we should view in just this manner - for the Christian including physical decline and death. Unfortunately, we don't get to do it over and over once we get it right. We can, however, experience life vicariously through our Christian brothers and sisters who do get it right, and develop the courage we need by following in their footsteps
We sing the song "Where's thy victory, boasting grave.....Where, O Death is now thy sting"; yet we shrink from the brink when the bell sounds its toll for us or for our loved ones.
Death and pain are just as much a part of life here on Earth as are birth and pleasure. They are transient stages/conditions that must be endured if we are to enter eternity to live with the father. To face these stages or conditions with denial places an unbearable burden on ourselves, our loved ones, and those who would help us through life's journey.
"I can't take anymore!" is a denial - a denial that God is with us, a denial of the power of the Holy Spirit, and a denial that God can make all things ultimately work together for good to those that love Him. Denial by an otherwise healthy person is tantamount to cowardice in the face of the enemy. It will never glorifiy God; and it will never work for joy.
Do not misunderstand; this is not an indictment of those who are mentally compromised. I believe that those are opportunities for the healthy Christian to show compassion, tolerance, endurance; and most of all real sacrificial love. Submission is not going along with someone when we agree with them or their approach; it is going along when we disagree. It is letting them have their own sometimes deluded way when we would never do it that way ourselves.
I am now 60 years of age, in apparent good health (except for my left fibula; and that should be fine in a few more weeks); and I take pretty good care of myself - not so that I can live a long time; but so that I can live well as long as I live. I really view my body as a tool that God has entrusted to me. He expects me to use it, clean it, care for it, and generally maintain its utility until it is worn out or broken in His service. After that, He will call me home. He does not expect me to worship the tool, or preserve it for its own sake, or to prolong my life here. This world is not my home - it is my tour of duty in His war with evil. I already know who has won the war; but I am called to be a soldier in the fight. Any time that I refuse to believe or accept the KP at the rear of the action or the suicide charge at the front; I am a deserter to His cause. That is not an option. I do not get to choose my duty station; God is my commanding general. I do not volunteer for suicide charges, nor do I sign up for KP - I am a soldier; and I go where I am sent by His will. If I am sent to grieve the loss of a child, a spouse, my health; then I will accept the assignment as I did my orders to sea when in the Navy. Now as then; God will provide the means to endure; and shorten the time of trial to the bearable point, and in the end be glorified.
I would urge with all of my might that any reader of this resolve to be one who faces life abandoning denial, and accepting with grace whatever fate dispenses in such a way that God is glorified. Bearing the unbearable, hoping the impossible, forgiving the unforgiveable, loving the unloveable, dying the hero's death once instead of the coward's 1000 deaths, with the surety and hope of the resurrection.
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