Astonishment – that is the word. Not incredulity, not unbelievable, just astonishment. That, perhaps, begins to describe the way that I feel when I contemplate the way our relationship has developed and continues to grow. Not driven by lust, overwhelming loneliness, nor grief – just a desire to have a “suitable companion” one to encourage, comfort, share, and, most of all to love in a healthy God-centered life. So I daily continue to be astonished, enthralled, at how that love grows.

I have not added to this blog for a long time - six months. Much has happened in those months, as you can probably tell from the beginning paragraph. I have fallen in love with a godly woman who has spent years ministering to kids in juvenile hall. The match that God has provided for us and the joy of planning a future continues to astonish me. The overwhelming joy that daily grows is indescribable.

Love, real blessed by God love that has its basis in His way is truly incomparable. Doing things the right way, letting Him lead and gratefully accepting the blessings He provides without doubt, without remorse, without guilt and the joy that brings is indescribable.

What deep regret I feel that not all of His children feel compelled to let His way rule their lives and thus experience the joy that His way brings.

I can hardly wait to see what else God has in mind for us for the future.

Yesterday I spent much of the day in Cologne, Germany, worshipping with the widowed son of an old friend. Yesterday would have been their 40th anniversary. Fortunately for him, he had his son's family, two grandchildren, and his son's in-laws from Texas to spend the day with him. His wife fought cancer for 6 years before succumbing 4 years ago. While he is kept busy serving God, he is still alone, and I could hear that in his voice as we shared some experiences.

I can now listen to Sarah Brightman's beautiful love songs without choking or tearing, perhaps because I have come to grips with the fact that as beautiful, wonderful, enduring as the love of a man for a woman can be, it is only for this side of eternity. I believe that it will be replaced by a love that is astonishingly greater that we will have for one another on the other side of eternity. There will be no "physical" component there, no jealousy, no hurt, no cliques, no isolation - only an enduring intimacy that will make the word "fellowship" pale into insignificance.

Still, we are bound by our physical presence here, and cannot experience the intimacy of love as it was intended by ourselves. We are not complete in and of ourselves, and no degree of having been complete in the past is sufficient for the present. A wonderful past relationship is but a reflection, a glimpse of what the other side of eternity has to offer - unbounded by physical limitations or spirits chained up in physical minds. What a pity that the world around us cannot imagine a form of love that is not limited in scope of breadth or depth or height or anything at all. Yet, are even we who are believers able to ask for or imagine this love?

"Just show me how to love you", "The last words you said to me", "Love changes everything" all still make the hair on the back of my neck stand up with chills down the spine. Yet, these are written based upon the world's views of love.

The story of the rich man and Lazarus make me wonder what Karen would say to Father Abraham as she gazes upon me-what message she would send to me, our children, and our grand-children. And yet, I cherish the letter that a woman who never met Karen wrote to us as though it were from Karen. I have to believe that the Spirit gave her the words to write.

I hope to one day love again; because I miss that daily glimpse of Heaven. I know all too well that the glimpse is not without imperfections, for the earthly model is not without pain, sickness, tears, and death. For all of those imperfections, however, it is also not without a joy that fulfills. So I hope to again sing those songs, not to a memory nor to a hope, but to a present.

Personal Locater Beacons
Don't turn off if you are intimidated by high technology! This is just an intro to a very important subject.

As I promised my daughter, I have obtained a personal locater beacon. This is a wonderful device for a pilot, a sailor, or an outdoorsman. The small unit comes with its own carrying pouch and a belt, including a battery good for 5 years and a certificate for a free replacement battery. It must be registered with the U.S. Government, so they know who needs to be notified if the device is ever activated. In a real emergency situation, the cover is lifted, an antenna extracted, and it is placed in the open. A local radio beacon then begins transmitting, a GPS receiver is activated, and a satellite transmitter is activated. The message sent to the satellite contains identity and exact location of the beacon to within a few feet. The government agency will immediately check my contact numbers to assure the likelihood that there is a real emergency, and dispatch search and rescue teams to that location. Wow! What security to have such a device!

Guess what? For most of my life, I have had a spiritual PLB that works even better. Far more important than my physical safety when exploring, hunting, flying, or sailing is my spiritual welfare. The "device" occupies no space at all - it is embedded in my mind. Its battery never needs replacing. It does not require a clear view of the sky. It does not need to be registered with any government agency, and its user's identity is never uncertain. In times of spiritual danger or distress, its activation time is instantaneous; and its efficacy is guaranteed. So, what is this spiritual PLB? It is prayer and submission to the Holy spirit. God promises that no temptation will be set upon us that He will not provide a way to overcome. We only need to call upon Him and then follow His way.

The only way that this PLB can be thwarted is by disuse or "failure to follow the directions provided." We only have to recognize spiritual emergencies and then put the device in action to know how to respond. If our first effort is to try to overcome on our own, we are likely to make the situation worse. If we activate the system, and then try to ignore the spiritual guidance He provides, we are doomed to failure. For the system to really be effective, we need to run drills during non-emergency times, so we can be sure the communication lines are open at our end! There is no risk of failure at His end, but we need to learn to listen to the Holy Spirit and His guidance for our lives. That listening begins with knowing His word, grows with prayers for wisdom, and matures by following, even at the cost of seeming foolish to the world about us. (I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have prayed for guidance in a dilemma, and had a scripture or song come to mind that gave clear indication of what I then knew to be the correct response.) The utility and effectiveness of this PLB, the most important one that can ever be owned, needs to be tested, exercised, and utilized until it becomes virtually the spiritual GPS for our lives. It is what He wants, and what He tells us to do in His User's Guide for the Human Soul - a.k.a. The Bible.

I really don't like the idea of using this blog to discuss a "debatable theological issue"; but I guess my conscience forbids me to be silent. Twice in the last few days, I have been asked whether I believed that baptism was necessary for salvation. (Not that it matters what I think - the question really is: what does God want.) I only know one way to discover what God wants, and that is from His scriptures. I know that He does not want any to perish; so He sent His Son to bear the burden for our sins so we could be reconciled to Him. I know that Jesus was baptized, although John thought he (John) should be baptized by Christ instead of the other way around. I know that Jesus commanded His disciples to "go and make disciples ... baptizing them..." But does that make baptism necessary for salvation or is it just a symbol of obedience? Interesting question. A signature on a contract is "just a symbol" of acceptance of a contract; but it is required to make the contract binding. However, this is man's law and man's understanding. What does God say?
Romans 6 reads:
1What then are we to say? Should we continue in sin in order that grace may abound? 2By no means! How can we who died to sin go on living in it? 3Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.
5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin. 7For whoever has died is freed from sin. 8But if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. 9We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. 10The death he died, he died to sin, once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. 11So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Paul gives the clearest, most decisive explanation of Christian baptism found anywhere in the Bible. He says plainly that: "all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we have been buried with him by baptism into death, so that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life." This plainly indicates that in order to live a new life, we have to die to the old life. Verse 4 clearly states that when we are baptized into Christ we are baptized into His death. How can we live a new life unless we first symbolically die to our old life? Paul says further this is a death to sin, and that those who have died are freed from sin. In verse 5, "5For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his." I read this as the only certainty of being united with Him in His resurrection comes from having been united with Him in His death, and Paul says this happens in baptism.

Is being united with Christ in His resurrection the same as salvation? I know of no other definition. I know of no other way that is promised anywhere in the word. Jesus "symbolically" took the sins of the world upon Himself and died on the cross. Does it being symbolic make it unnecessary? Apparently not to God, who refused Christ's prayer to "let this cup pass from me."

Thanks be to God that I am not the one to judge for others which portions of Christ's and His apostles commands that they must follow - I can only judge for myself. What I must teach and reply when asked is that I know what He commanded and what his "apostle out of due season", Paul, explained; and I could not possibly consider doing any other than submit to their commands, teaching, and wisdom.

By this will men know that you are my disciples.
Yesterday during the morning sermon, we watched a short video prepared not by an actor, but by a man who came to know Christ. If you saw this man, you would initially probably not want to meet him in a dark alley. As his story unfolds, you cannot help but wish to be made over, made new into the kind of person his neighbor was.
The man grew up in an abusive household, bitter, angry, profane, and became that same sort of person himself. He did have his own family, and moved into a neighborhood where there were both good and bad influences. His next door neighbor often tried to be friendly and helpful, but his "goodie-two shoes" ways were unappreciated and rejected. Instead, an equally profane acquaintance was found to sit on the front porch drinking and cursing the "nice" neighbor.
When an accident left the man with a broken arm the nice neighbor offered to help in any way, but was warned out of the yard and rejected.
When the man looked out his window, he was astonished to see the nice neighbor in his yard starting his lawn mower. When accosted, he simply stated that he intended to mow the man's lawn unless he was forcefully sent away. Reluctantly, he was allowed to do the mowing and continued to do so for the next 3 weeks. He then asked if the man would watch his home for the weekend while he was away. Thankful that he could unburden his debt of gratitude, the man agreed to do so; but was astonished to awaken Saturday to find another man mowing his lawn. It turned out to be the son of the "nice neighbor", saying his dad had asked him to fill in while he was gone.
The following week, the man received a letter from his brother along with a book by Max Lucado that had changed his brother's life. Upon reading it, he realized why his neighbor had continued to act in compassion and friendship, even though profanely rejected. The man accepted Christ and now tells his story with tears in his eyes. My adult daughter sobbed next to me as we watched the end of the film. I felt moved myself.
The wrong sad thing that we often do is accept rejection and ridicule of our faith and efforts to show His love. That is, to accept the rejection and move on to greener pastures. The right sad thing is to accept the rejection or ridicule gracefully, and then show that love at the next opportune time, actively looking for those times. We are not reconciled to God when we befriend Him. We are reconciled while His enemies by the death of Christ. "Much more, being reconciled shall we be saved by His life." Is it not His life living in us? Are we really dead to the world and alive to Christ? What a challenge this story and the life that inspired it present.

More on the Brownie outlook.
Let me first explain that family and relationships are VERY important to me; and in no way do I mean to trivialize them by comparing them to a dessert. However, if one wishes to follow Christ's own words, there is a perspective on life, relationships, trials, even devastation that one needs to cultivate. "What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but loses his won soul?" This question includes one's family and friends. Think not? Again, in Christ's own words, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." Very strong words, and acceptable only if one is a true believer that we were created for eternity. God's intention was not for us to achieve paradise here; rather that we glimpse His Kingdom here and experience it for eternity. The little bits of paradise that are made up of family, friends, relationships, physical pleasures are just the "trailers" for the real event. To live a life full of faith that God is faithful, and has Himself made a way for us to be reunited with Him for eternity is sufficient reward to the true believer. Of course, the joy that those "trailers" bring, the hopes they reinforce, WHEN EXPERIENCED IN GOD'S PLANNED WAY, are indescribable to the unbeliever. What brings temporary pleasure to the unbeliever brings real joy to His children. What seems overwhelmingly good to the unbeliever is just a hint of the joy to come to God's sons and daughters. What seems to be an unbearable pain or grief to the unbeliever is like my broken leg was to me - a temporary painful, inconvenient, disgruntling mishap that time and resources has set fully straight. There is nothing in this life that I could not give up for Him, if He asked it of me. I pray that I can confidently say with Paul, "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
As a loving father and grandfather, I feel overwhelming joy as I hold my grandchildren in my lap and they peacefully fall asleep upon me, or insist on calling me to say goodnight before reluctantly going off to bed. I felt incredible peace embracing my spouse after an evening scripture and prayer - falling off to sleep. But those joys are just hints of the kind of joy for which we were created. Are they important? Of course they are! Will they last for eternity? No! They will be replaced with a joy that is presently only barely imaginable. Only a true believer can experience the knds of joy that God created in the way that internally is augmented by the reassurance that one has experienced that pleasure in a way that is pleasing to God, hearing Him say "Well Done!"

Viewing Life as a Brownie???
I recently had a discussion of where I am in life and where I would like to be. I have a lot of rewarding activities to fill my days: a rewarding job that is meaningful, a loving family and friends that give me great joy, a relationship with God and Christ that make life truly meaningful and hopeful, a church family that provides opportunities for service and encouragement, a level of economic comfort that gives me a degree of freedom of choice, very good health, and hobbies that fill my days. So what do I need with a more intimate relationship?

I no longer have a companion to share an intimate meal with and open my heart to discuss the days activities, concerns, successes, or failures. I have no one to remind me of social obligations - no one for whom to cook my specialties, or to encourage me to be all that I can be, instead of just "good enough." That is, no one except myself and my knowledge of who I really serve. It is not that my life is in any way "bad" or even "not good", it is just that it is not complete. That's when I came up with the brownie comparison.

I really like a good brownie. (Not that I eat them often - it just takes too much exercise to work them off.) Good, dark, rich, crunchy on the outside, chewey on the inside brownies. But I REALLY like good brownies with lots of nuts - preferably black walnuts; but English walnuts will do if the quantity is sufficient. So, my life is like a good brownie, but without the nuts. It would be so much better and more satisfying if there were someone to complete and fill the empty spaces that make up a portion of my life - someone to try to please, to delight, to cherish - someone who would delight in my company and efforts. It is not that I need nursing, smothering, or even to be needed - I need to be enjoyed and to contribute to their joy - to hold accountable and be held accountable.

I would hope that every Christian Single would feel just that way. That Christ and His Way provide a truly meaningful life that is motivated to do every task as though Jesus Himself were the supervisor. That all that it would take to make the life complete would be a "suitable helper" to work alongside, not necessarily at the same task; but rather at the same vocation of pleasing God. Someone to share the "break times" with. Someone to remind of the needed rest breaks. Someone to jawbone with during lunch. NEVER someone else to do the work so they could goof off or simply supervise.

Now obviously, not everyone likes brownies. Not everyone like nuts. Some people like ice cream or whipped cream with their brownies to make them "perfect". Whatever! Just realize that to have a healthy complete life, one shoud have a life that is almost complete and healthy without that special garnish, and then be prepared to be that special garnish to someone else who is healthy and almost complete. Of course, without spiritual health, none of this would matter.

Mere Christianity
I would not presume to compare myself to C.S. Lewis and the depth of his thinking as he wrote "Mere Christianity". It took me a long time of development in my walk before I could make myself sit and read this excellent book all of the way through. So much of the book is concise, well-stated, yet thorough. Unfortunately, it is also relatively dated by the historical context in which it was written, so some of his analogies might be difficult for "boomers" or "generation X'ers" to relate.

There are those who say we are now in a "post-modern" era of thinking, particularly in the area of spirituality. Organized religion is demonized; "churches are full of hypocrites" is claimed; and "any path to God is acceptable" is championed as the appropriate philosophy upon which basis human peace and prosperity can be achieved. Unhappily for much of the world, that is just not so.

"Good" and "Evil" are NOT subjective; nor are they individual. Happy and unhappy may indeed be subjective and individual; but these are not the same as good and evil. When mankind tries to determine good and evil by some democratic process; it is always subject to the vagaries of individualistic opinion.

I submit that any creed which teaches the forceful or violent imposition of acceptance is inherently evil -even if it is based upon "truth". Any teaching that is not sufficiently compelling in and of itself, for which the benefits to its adherents is not self-evident, or for which those benefits are not readily available to any seeker and which cannot be available to humanity at large should be viewed with extreme skepticism.

Man is endowed inherently with a sense of right and wrong. Even the meanest of sociopaths can wants to be treated "fairly" and is likely to respond to "good" treatment and "bad" treatment in a like manner. As Lewis points out, every honest individual will admit that, at least on occasion, they do not always live up to their own sense of "right" and "wrong". The fact that many "organized religions" corrupt fundamental truths to excuse occasional failures and institutionalize them for the sake of control or power does not negate the fundamental truths that may be the basis of most of their teaching.

The fundamentals of Christianity are: 1) That God created man in His own image, male and female (so this must be a spiritual image, not a physical image. 2) That man did not and does not live up to the Godlike standard that God requires to live forever in His presence. 3) That God Himself provided a mechanism to atone (make up for) for man's not living up to His standard. 4) That that atonement must be accepted. 5) That the reason for the atonement is so that we can continually be made over into God's image walking in those same Godly footprints, and reach out to rescue all of mankind.

There is no hatred or violence in this teaching. There is no hypocrisy. There is no forced submission. There is no rejoicing in misfortune. There is no thirst for revenge. Everyone who accepts the atonement must continually remember the parable of the unjust servant who would not forgive his fellow servant a tiny debt after having been forgiven an insurmountable debt.
No social, criminal, nor economic slight excuses the behavior indicated by the unjust servant, nor does it excuse institutionalized wrongs. It is not that the Christian should not tray to correct any such wrongs - it is inexcusable for a Christian to participate in such wrongs. Rather, it is wrong to try to avenge or violently correct those wrongs against ourselves, for then we become the unjust servants. However, it is equally wrong to idly stand by and watch an innocent be subject to evil when we have the power to intervene. We simply must not do so in a harsh or vengeful manner.

The challenge that we have is how to do this, and to encourage each other to do this on a daily basis. An approach to how to do this on a social and economic basis can be found in Charles Sheldon's "In His Steps" - readily available as either an audio, e-book, or hard copy; and even an updated version of this over 100 year old Christian novel classic.

Think this through, and compare it with the teachings of other religions and with that of extremists of virtually any religion, and comment if you would.

When God Says "No".
I overheard an atheist/agnostic use what he deemed to be a very logical argument against the existence of a loving God. His logic went like this. If God is a loving God, and He answers prayer, sometimes miraculously healing people of incurable diseases, then He must hate amputees; because I have never met nor heard of God restoring an amputee's lost limb. But, since God is supposed to love everyone, then the cases of miraculous healing must simply be spontaneous healing by the bodies own repair/defense systems or simply very improbable coincidences.

Nice, neat, tidy little argument; except it just does not really work.

God not only loves us as individuals, He also loves us as a member of mankind and a part of His overall creation. A loving parent does not always do what a loved offspring asks them to do.
First, what an offspring asks for may be beneficial only to the child, but not to the family or to mankind as a whole. If the consequences of dangerous activity - drunken driving, reckless play with sharp objects, power tools, etc could be alleviated simply by fervent, repentent prayer, then many more people would engage in reckless activities. Pain and suffering serve a very useful purpose in life - they tell when something is wrong.

Of course God does not want us to suffer, and His decisions and His directions when followed will alleviate a great deal of suffering and sickness. Refraining from illicit sex will result in virtually no unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. Combine that with refraining from illicit drugs, and there would be no AIDS epidemic, and far less cirme.

The reality is that much of the suffering that occurs in the world is brought on by behavior that is contraindicated by God's word, or by counter examples, or just plain minimal wisdom, and we see that it is far wiser to allow some of this suffering to take place to assure that people who want to do God's will will not be tempted to risk the consequences of disobedience.

You may opine that it is not fair that an individual innocently suffer for the sake of someone else's misdeed or misjudgment; and you are right. That is not fair. But that is just exactly what God did himself, taking on the form of humankind, living a flawless life, and then being tortured and dying for each of our misdeeds -so that we need not suffer for eternity.

When God says "no", He is not being unkind, nor is He imposing an unbearable burden. He always provides a means to bear that burden with joy if we seek it out. Sometimes, it may be years before we see the wisdom or the joy in His answers; and if we turn away from Him, we may never see that wisdom. But He is faithful, and in His word He promises that if we seek, we will find, and if we knock at His door, it will be opened to us.

The right sad thing is that there is joy available in prolonged suffering, even when God says "No".

A Life of Joy and Love

It is a very sad comment on our times that divorce is as common among believers as in the society that surrounds us.

Yet, as Christians, we know that directly from His word: “God Hates Divorce.”
It is not that divorce is an unpardonable sin that cannot be forgiven; it is that the idea of it should be a very last resort after all has been given over to God.

Till Death do us part has become – till the disappointment becomes “unbearable”, or my personal growth is inhibited, or just “we have irreconcilable differences”, or “my rights are not being granted”; or…..whatever.

Let me ask each of you. What great burden have you been asked to bear – what grievous wrong have you suffered that could possibly cause you not to rejoice in the blessing of a loving relationship with your spouse, your siblings, or your children. None of these burdens can possibly compare with what Christ bore for each of us so that you might have eternal joy. He bought that joy, that hope, that bliss with his life and his death.

When you accept His grace, and then refuse to be as gracious and loving, refuse to grant that same unconditional, undemanding, unselfish love to those to whom you have pledged it, you become like the unjust servant who was forgiven an unpayable debt; but would not forgive a minor debt. As a result of that attitude, he lost his own forgiveness and the graciousness of his master.

When all is said and done, love only keeps count of blessings, not of sorrows. Good memories can easily wipe out years of suffering and anguish if we only learn to count our blessings instead of our sorrows.

The joy of running the course before us to completion is indescribable; and the sorrow and regret of letting our pride, our selfish interest, our short-sightedness cause us to break a pledge to God in our relationships result in a life-long wound.

In every relationship, let Christ’s words – “by this will men know that you are my disciples – that you love (sacrificial love) one another” be the basis of love in your home; and throw any selfish expectations down at the foot of the cross. Realize how much He loves you, and you will be better able to walk in His steps, and show the world what a joy-filled relationship can be. That joy cannot come from how your loved one treats you, but only from how you treat your loved one.

Back from Germany.
The weather was awful on Thursday - winds and rain with winds in excess of 140 km/hr - clay tiles blown off of many roofs - marble facing blown off my hotel - national train system shut down due to blown over tress and downed power lines. Fortunately, I was safe and warm in the offices I was visiting.

Today I shared some observations based on my own experiences and reflections on relationships. I am convinced that the reason so many marriages fail and so many relationships are broken is that people have developed a perverted idea that that their joy is controlled by the actions (or lack thereof) of others. If a relationship is Christ-centered; then the joy and fulfillment of that relationship is determined not by what one gets out of it; but what one puts in to it. Jesus never demanded anything from His disciples for His own sake - He only gave to them. We are commanded to "walk in His steps". How can we be doing that if our thoughts are focused on what we need or what we do not want.

This morning, our minister spoke of the things most people in relationships need to be fulfilled - typically a woman needs to feel cherished, and a man needs to feel respected. Guess what? Both of these are encompassed by the word "agape", or divine love. A marriage in which both partners do not give 100% sacrificial divine love regardless of the the response from the partner will never achieve the joy that God intended when He instituted marriage. If both partners in a marriage have at least an intention of pleasing God, then either one can inspire their spouse to become the husband/wife that God intended by being the wife/husband that God intended for themselves. Of course, this presumes that both want to be Godly, and may simple need an example to begin to let the Spirit make them over into the image of Christ.

Thus, ultimately, the secret to a joy-filled relationship is to choose someone who loves God with all of their heart, soul, and mind so they will continually let God re-make them into the person they were intended to be.

Here I am, in Germany on a business trip. The weather is ugly - rain, cold, and winds forecast at over 100 km/hr for around noon-time. Back home, the weather is finally on the mend and warmer sunshine is forecast. I had a free evening last night, and no really interesting thing to do. Walking around in the dark rain at 40 degrees Fahrenheit is not my idea of fun. There was not even a restaurant in the hotel, so I walked the 1/2 block to the train station and ate a ahm and cheese sandwich. (Actually, it was a good thing there was no restaurant - I have been eating too well here.)

It seems that for now, my choices of what to do next are made. I will continue to serve as an elder, act as CTO for my company, be a doting grandfather, and see what God has in mind for relationships for the future. While I enjoy "cave time", I am ready to not be so alone as for the last 6 1/2 years.

While I would enjoy a trip to Nairobi and a period of work at "Made in the Streets", I am pretty sure that that is not really my calling. Maybe I am where God wants me to be - at least I do not feel any urging to make any drastic changes in my vocation/avocation.

So I will get back to typing what I hope to be pearls of wisdom on dealing with, recovering from, and generally supporting others in times of adversity, in hopes of helping others see that God always provides a way if we let Him.

I'm back!

First, let me explain that the reason I have not posted for quite a while is that I went into what I think was the last phase of grieving. I found that when I tried to write in my Blog, the only thing that came out sounded like whining when I read it; and this was not meant to be something for me, but rather something to edify or help others who might be grieving or going through significant difficulties in life.

O.K., so if it helps you to now that in my own private space and time I whined, then maybe this is useful. I am through whining, even to myself and to God. He has been so good to me, and I will follow His word as it says to "do everything without grumbling or complaining."

The holidays have come and gone. I got to spend an early Christmas with daughter and her family, a quick meal with my father-in-law, ( ? former father-in-law now that Karen is deceased? How does one describe the relationship with someone referred to as "Dad" for nearly 40 years?); then a flight to Temecula to spend Christmas day with my son and his family.

I introduced them to "real" Belgian waffles - the kind with yeast-raised dough and granulated sugar and loads of butter in the batter. They are now completely ruined to our American ersatz Belgian waffles.

Then on to my cabin for a couple of days.

I had a couple of moments only when someone asked how I was doing on Karen's birthday and on our anniversary. Seeing her beautiful headstone in place really brought some closure. She lived the best life that she could with the limitations her disease brought her; and I am glad she is at peace.

I am now fully engaged back at work - spending a week in Germany on business.

I now look forward to the adventures that the rest of my life has to offer. I have dreams, hopes, loved ones, friends; but most especially God to lean on regardless of what happens next.

THE WORST DAY OF HER LIFE
It should have been a happy time. My formal education was over at last. I was a well regarded young professor, and had begun a very successful adjunct consulting work for multiple clients. The family could spend summers in California while I consulted, and we had frequent family trips and vacations. We were happy in our spiritual life - worshipping at Campbell in the summer while we were here in California, and actively involved with the Blacksburg congregation during the school year. We had no debts, other than what was a miniscule mortgage payment on our home in Virginia.

The only dark side was Karen's mom and her relationship to her. Gene was suffering from the emotional instability of Huntington's Disease (although we did not know it at the time) combined with the results of an abusive home life with an alcoholic stepfather. Finally, after Gene was visited by her mother and an uncle, the uncle observed physical symptoms and was convinced the "something was physically wrong with Gene." A visit to Loma Linda Medical Center resulted in the horrible diagnosis - Huntington's Disease.

I don't think any of us had any real idea what that meant at the time; but the horror gradually set it. A progressive, untreatable neuro-degenerative disease that frequently cripples emotionally, always cripples physically, and results in a long, lingering, isolated death. Worse, the disease is genetically transmitted by a 50-50 Mendellian gene. If you receive the gene from your parent, you WILL get the disease, and you have a 50-50 chance of passing it to each of you offspring.

At that time, there was no screening test. You simply had to wait until the disease sypmtoms showed up if one of your parents had the disease to know if you had inherited it. Most of the time, a person would already have passed the childbearing age before the sypmtoms would manifest themselves. We had already had our children.

To understand Karen's horror, you need to know just what her relationship to her mother had been. In Karen's mind, her mom had been a spoiled brat who transferred her housekeeping duties to Karen as soon as Karen was physically able to handle them. Her mother was jealous of the social life that Karen led; and her behaviour led to her mother and younger brother being banished from the naval base where the family lived to a neighboring city. There, she engaged in alcohol abuse and illicit affairs, resulting in a divorce.

With the diagnosis of HD and all of the implications of the disease, Karen feared that she would somehow follow in her mother's steps. At the same time, she felt sympathy for her mother's situation, and guilty for her previous need to be away from her mom as much as possible.

So here was this young mother with completely valid reasons for terror. She was watching her mom deteriorate before her eyes - feeling the guilt that she might have unfairly held her mom responsible for all of her behaviour - feeling guilty that she might have unknowingly already sentenced her own children to a similar fate, and her husband to a fate similar to her father's - and desperately seeking some promising answer to the horrible fate that had reared its ugly head; but finding absolutely none.

At the same time, she was still a vibrant, beautiful, capable, loving wife and mother. Over the next 13 years, she monitorred and managed her mother's care, managed our household, moved into and decorated a new home, taught Bible class for children and for women's ministry, and began the early decline of emotional control, while maintaining her grace and beauty.

So the worst day of her life was spent in terror of the future upon realizing the full implications of her mom's diagnosis.

Realize that in the past -of those who watched a parent go through HD, and then were forced to accept the reality that they were not only at risk, but had actually contracted the disease - fully half decided to end their own life rather than live through the disease process.

The right sad thing that Karen did was to deny the possibility of the disease, which ultimately gave her more years without the disease's influence than she could otherwise experience.

I do not say that everyone should deal with the disease this way; especially now that there is much promise of delaying the onset, treating the symptoms, or even its ultimate prevention and eradication. I only say that Karen's decision, as hard as it later seemed to us, probably gave us more healthy years with each other and with our children, and her service to the Lord.

DEALING WITH DELUSIONS

First, if you have been reading, but not commenting, please do so, whether you agreee with the thoughts or not; or I will not know how this is touching you; or whether it is doing any good.

Today I heard someone else request aid in deciding how to deal with a loved one with truly delusional behaviour. To a rational person, especially a sensory, perceptive person, delusions and the behaviour related to delusions are completely irrational, and should NEVER be accepted. The very idea that decisions, choices, or even conversations be based on delusional fantasy runs contrary to the rational mind. As Mr. Spock would say - ILLOGICAL! ( although he would say it emotionlessly.)

Come and let us reason together, and see if that is so.

We all should know that often fear and anticipation are much worse than that which is feared or anticipated. A child may scream in terror in anticipation of a hypodermic needle, or a student may toss and turn with insomnia in anticipation of an exam, only to find that the shot has been delivered almost without being felt, or the exam has been passed without undue fatalities. For the deluded person, the delusional belief and its perceived reality may be much less painful that the uncontrollable reality which must otherwise be faced. Thus, a mind weakened by disease or trauma, unable to accept a dreaded reality may create a reality of its own that it can control to some extent, and thus be "happier" than it could in dealing with the truth. The truth not only contains realities that are unacceptable, but the reality that one is not in any way in control or able to influence those realities.

The trigger for this discussion was a very rational woman who had an aging relative with Parkinson's disease which had advanced to dementia and delusion. The person often had delusions regarding their surroundings and the identity of the caregivers/visitors. This loving relative wanted to know if it was ethical/"right" to correct the delusions so the person could experience reality (and the visit be much more enjoyable for the healthy visitors, including children.)

I personally struggled with this issue with Karen over the last several years of her life, especially when the delusions led to her belief that I was the source of her illness/distress. Those who provide care professionally for persons suffering from such disease advise not to contradict a delusional person nor to encourage their delusion, rather to reassure of their safety and love in a non-confrontational manner, giving them the maximum possible illusion of control for the sake of calming their fears.

Thus, when there was a fear that every form of chemical was producing toxic effects, we cleaned the house with baking soda only for years. We had hotel rooms wiped down with water and baking soda before moving in. When there was a fear that the water in the cottage was polluted or poisoned, I bought bottled water for drinking, and added a filter - letting her observe its removal from original packaging and installation - for washing.

When I took my daughter and her son to visit and the demon of fear of me returned, I simply left the cottage and let my daughter and grandson visit till we needed to leave; graciously accepting her request that I leave.

When Karen told me that she was sure that God had told her that she was getting better and that we soon could be together again, my reply was that God was good all the time; and he certainly had plans for our future. I would pray with her that the time of fulfillment would be soon.

Don't get me wrong - I did not always know to do this or how to do this. I am the sensory, perceptive, logical being that believed that the truth and reality is better than delusion; and for me I still believe that. But it was not the case for her.

We do not expect children to face all of stresses of adult life. We have "age-appropriate" ways of dealing with many subjects with children. We can let them tell us of their imaginary friends without quashing their imaginations. Most of us realize that "pretend" is a way to learn to deal with things that are beyond the capacity of the childish mind.

What we fail to do is to recognize the the sick or deluded mind may very well be one that for various reasons has regressed back to the point that it is even less capable of dealing with reality than the mind of a child. The challenge of recognizing what is "condition-appropriate" handling of situations is one we must sometimes rightly, sadly accept.

Saying goodbye when you don't want to, but you need to:
Saying goodbye to someone we love is never an easy thing to do; no matter how needed that goodbye may be. Our bodies are not meant to dwell here on Earth forever; nor is the paltry degree of intimacy we may share here anything more than a shadow of of eternity.

Physical life and the intimacies we know here are amazing, joy-filled, incredibly fulfilling; and are to be cherished, nourished, protected, and preserved with all of our might. They are, however, secondary to the eternal life and the intimacies we will know if we live faithfully to God and His Way while here on Earth. What wonderful, elegant, simple, comforting phrases these are! Yet how painfully poignant when we are faced with the required reality of separation that must occur in order for this to be fulfilled. How emotionallly wrenching are the decisions that face us today in the process of that fulfillment.

Consider, for a moment, the life of an unborn infant. It really is pretty cushy - no worries about food, waste elimination, what to wear, unkind remarks, thermostat settings, thirst, falls, scrapes, etc. One might even describe it as idyllic, if somewhat boring, although the knowledge of any alternative would not be present. It even appears that this may be the way infants feel, because they rarely, if ever, enter into the real world environment for which they were designed expressing happiness about the change. It seems as if from the very inception of life that we humans resist change, if not completely fear it.

Yet what a tragedy it would be (indeed is) if the infants first priority were honored and that change did not take place. The joys, pains, exhilaration of life with all of its experiences would never be known. Indeed, we grieve for what did not occur when an unborn infant is aborted or still-born; never experiencing the pain, shock, and fear of birth.

If we truly believe in the "hope that lies within us"; then the Christian's grief must really be based on the experiences and intimacies that the living will not experience; for the dead have simply gone through the birthing procedure of "homo in excelsis", and are now experiencing joys and intimacies that we can hardly imagine.

That said; it is perfectly all right to grieve for our - the living's - loss of the present intimacies that occurs when we lose a loved one. It is a process that we may even need to go through for own sake; but we should recognize it as just that. Our loved one's earthly pains are over. It is a time to let our faith shine and be an example to the unbeliever.

What if our loved one did not know Christ? It is a time to recognize that God is God; and only He is able to save or condemn. It is not a time for personal recriminations - Did I say enough? Was I a good example? Should I have tried harder to convince them of their eternal worth. NONE OF US CAN SAVE OR CONDEMN ANOTHER SOUL!!!! We can only teach and "live like a believer." We can and must always be prepared to teach; and we can and must always try to live as an example of Christ to not only our loved one, but to all with whom we have contact. If we have not done this, then the death of a loved one can be seen as God's call to repentance and to Godly sorrow for negligence. If it does not trigger this repentance; then an entirely different reason to grieve exists.

Attendant with the end stages of life are often terrible decisions regarding the care of terminally ill loved ones. I can only offer opinions supported by observations.
1) Futile care is arrogant, selfish, and serves the living instead of the dying, and prolongs the suffering and delays the eternal reward of our loved one. I realize that these are harsh sounding words; but assuring that "Granny gets every possible treatment to prolong her life" when she has heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure, rheumatoid arthritis, does not recognize her care-giver, much less any of her family members- is not a sentiment of a loving, caring person; but is the sentiment of someone who futily is trying to prove to themselves and to those around them their love, regardless of the impact and suffering of the subject loved one.

Eighty percent of our health care dollars are spent in the last six months of life - to what end? It is easy to understand the desire to prolong life for a young parent or spouse; but why prolong the suffering of the tired, the broken, the worn-out body that has served God so well?

NOTE: This is not in any way to be construed as a justification for deliberately terminating the life of anyone - it is simply saying that deliberate prolongation when no significant hope of recovery exists is fully unwarranted. The termination of life support should only be contemplated when it is truly in the best interests of the person for whom the termination is contemplated; and the decision should never be made by one who be a beneficiary in the event of the pending death.

The right sad thing is to be prepared to make the hard decisions that broken, worn-out bodies are not meant to have a prolonged, painful existence - that death, while not to be sought out, is not to be feared but welcomed. Of course, this means that our faith must be nourished, lived, and shared with our loved ones and friends. It means recognizing that our sadness is for ourself - that no matter what the experiences "missed out on" by a young loved one's death; God has much greater experiences laid up for them beyond our imagining.

Unfortunately, the "real" right sad thing is to recognize that while we may teach and be prepared to do so, some of those we love will not choose God and eternal life. We may grieve for their choice; but we should always recognize that we must not let Satan quench our lamp by not joyously proclaiming life for those who heed His call, or by grieving selfishly for the separation we will know in eternity from such a loved one. God is able to heal even that deep a wound.

What should I pray for?
Last time I talked about how God answers prayer; so now what should I pray for? Should I only pray for "unselfish" things? Should I pray for whatever is on my heart? Should I pray for whatever prayer request someone approaches me with, or should I be a filter and impose my own viewpoints on the request and rethink their request?

If I make every request on my heart known to God, how does He decide which to grant and which to deny?

There are no easy answers; but here are my thoughts and experiences.

Thirty-five years ago, we loaded all of our belonging in a moving van, and ourselves (Karen, Bobby - age 3, and Prince - a German shepherd aged 6 months) into our Mercury Cougar - an impractically small sports coupe - and proceeded to move from California to Virginia. Prince was moderately well house broken, just finished teething on shoes, purses, toys and other non- consummables, but was used to doing his "duty" on the grass in our urban California back yard. There is no grass across southern California, Arizona or New Mexico in September; so the dog would not go at rest stops (even those had no grass in those days), and we had "accidents" in the car and Motel rooms as we crossed the country. The poor dog was constipated from California to the middle of Oklahoma, where there finally was grass available; but nothing seemed to move him. I sat exhausted for an interminable time waiting for relief to no avail. I did not want to "bother God" with such a mundane request; but I finally did that in desperation. As I raised my head from prayer; the first thing I saw was the dog relieving himself; and for the remainder of the trip there were no more untoward incidents.

On the other hand, I have a large list of times that God has said "no" to what seemed to me to be far more important requests. Karen and I spent many hours on our knees praying that the curse of Huntington's Disease would not haunt our family - but God said "no, but I will be with you through this trial." I prayed for God to open the door for the Navy to provide my college training through three separate programs; but God said "No, wait. I have something much better in mind for you"; and he provided me training in a field where my work could be for the relief of suffering in virtually every nation; and I could be with my family instead of separated from them.

So ultimately, I believe that we should pray as we are guided in the scripture - as a child would ask of his parents. If we pray believing, then God will instruct us as to the propriety of our prayers, and we will learn to maturely communicate with our Father. "Ask what you will, your prayer shall be granted. The Father loves me; so I have loved you." As we mature, our requests will become more mature; and we will pray for what lays up treasure in heaven instead of here on earth.

Some believe that God, if He is there and cares, is capricious - sometimes helping, sometimes ignoring. Others, having received a "no" have decided that He is either not there or that He does not care.

I believe that his answer is always one that CAN lead to the greatest growth for us and the greated Glory for goodness IF we choose to let it.

It grieved me greatly that a young lady I dated before Karen "dumped" me because it would take me too long to become the millionaire that she wanted to marry. I was grieved at her judgment - for her spiritual life as well as for our relationship; and prayed that she would see the error of her choice for her own sake. In retrospect, it was obvious that this was not a spiritural partner that would have been a companion for a life of service to God; and God's "no" related to: 1) each person must choose Him on his or her own account - God will not cause anyone whose heart does not choose godliness to accept His ways. That is a choice each of us has to make on our own. 2) God had a very Godly, spiritual mate in mind for me where each of us could serve alongside the other, grow the other, challenge the other, support the other and be His.

I could have chosen to be angry with God over the intrusion that HD made in our lives. I did not plan to be spiritually single for 10 years prior to losing the wife I wanted to grow old with - to visit our grandchildren with, to travel with - and on and on and on. But time after time, God always ultimately provided a way that in retrospect was "very good."

No, I am not a "Pollyanna". HD is not "very good." Paranoid delusions are not "very good." Years alone are not "very good." Crucifixion is not "very good." A crown of thorns is not "very good." However, just as the results of Christ's suffering brought about the salvation of mankind; and there was no other way that this could be accomplished, in spite of Christ's prayer that there might be just that, there must have been no other way for me to be broken and molded into some tool for God to use as He sees fit than for my family to have to suffer through this trial.

I do not know just what He intends to make of all of this - I just know that I want to be ready whenever He calls. Was it just to let my brothers and sisters in Christ support me through this and to learn that the unbearable is bearable even if uncomprehensible? Was it just to hold my pride in check? Am I really responding in the way He wants in this? I can only continue to pray that He will send the wisdom He promises in response to prayer, and that in His own time He will reveal His plans in an obvious way that glorifies Him, and not me, because I believe that His answer to prayer is always one that can lead to His glory if we submit our lives to His will.

About "Unaswered Prayer"

"Why doesn't God answer my prayer? Why doesn't He fix what is so wrong and so painful in my life? If He is such a good and loving Father, then why does He let me suffer? Why do innocent children suffer? If He anwered prayer long ago as recorded in the Bible, why does He not do the same now?"

First, a little of my personal theology. I strongly believe that the answer to most of these questions is recorded in 1 Corinthians 12-13. Miraculous intervention was used throughout Biblical history to prove that God was GOD, and His messengers who spoke for Him did indeed speak for Him. The world was and is a battlefield for the minions of evil trying to demonstrate the ultimate superiority of EVIL over GOOD. This is a war that we can never hope to fully understand on this side of eternity; and one of the rules of engagement is that we must fight it in Faith. GOOD has already won the war. Like mad fanatics Evil can only cause GOOD to suffer by persuading God's creatures not to follow the Way back to Himself that God provided. Satan is denied even this perverted satisfaction if creatures of independent will and self-determination actively choose to follow the way of Goodness and reject the way of EVIL. In the first skirmish of the battle, EVIL won, with mankind chosing to disobey and long for self-determination of right and wrong. Note that it was not the appearance of the fruit that was the real temptation; rather that one could discern right and wrong for oneself and be "as wise as God." But "God so LOVED the world that He gave His only begotten Son....." The mighty ruler of the universe loved His creations so much that he was unwilling to leave them in the fate destined for His enemies - He demonstrated who He was by His miraculous power, and then left a means whereby his creations could demonstrate that they were truly His by living out that same LOVE - a love that loves the unloveable. He even made that possible by the indwelling of His Spirit, knowing that mankind lacked the power to do son on his own.

One of the unspoken tenets of salvation is the rejection of the original sin - the desire to discern for ourselves what is right and wrong, what is wise or foolish, ultimately what is good or evil. We are continually tempted to do just that. We make decisions without praying for wisdom. We flaunt the wisdon we are granted by rejecting God's counsel because we want a different outcome. We pray for a long, healthy physical life instead of a useful duty assignment in His battle against EVIL and the attendant reward of faithful service to Him. (Not that we don't want the reward, we just don't want the hard duty assignments.)

We pray for healthy, beautiful, prosperous children instead of for spiritual children as jewels in our crown of Glory. (Often, we hope someone else's bright intelligent children will seek to serve God as their profession, so that we can have exciting times of corporate worship; but pray that our own will have a more conventional worldly form of prosperity.)

We seek an attractive, prosperous spouse instead of first requiring that that help-mate be a spiritual partner who is primarily interested in our everlasting life.

The bottom line for me is that God is not there to fix all of our problems and make life "happy" for us; but that He has sent His Spirit, the Comforter, to enable us to bear up under any skirmish that Satan sends our way. He has enabled us, through faith, to know who has won - not the battle, but the war. We are saved by grace through faith - not by deed or by proof or by doubt. We are saved "so that we may do good works", not so that we can continually be on R&R from the war on EVIL.

Yet, what hope we have! What eternal joy we can live! The only casualties in this war are those who do not choose to live by Faith; or those who choose to live and then desert the battle when physical casualties ensue. It is Satan who whispers "Why doesn't God stop the suffering?" when Satan himself is the source of that suffering. Remember the temptation Satan sent to Job through his wife - "curse God and die!" Satan seeks to have us blame God for the evil he (Satan) perpetrates on the world.

Why doesn't God fix all of the ills of this world and stop the evil that is ongoing? Because He has charged us with the demonstration that Love is more important than all of these things. We need to demonstrate that we are truly made in His image by Loving the unloveable, the way that he loved us by bearing the burden of our sins with the blood of His Son. We cannot know eternal life without being made over in His image; and the definition of that image is "God IS Love." Self-sacrificing, divine love - not a squishy feeling - not a warm feeling - but a way of thinking that always acts for the good of the loved object; not for one's own comfort, health, or well-being. The right sad thing is recognizing that God's Son came to live and die on a mission that today we would call a "suicide mission." We are called to walk in His steps, not on His back.

God has already answered every prayer that we have to offer with the power to overcome - the power to triumph - the power to glorify GOOD - the Father in the way that we respond to every challenge.

I have heard it said that God answers prayer in three ways - Yes, No, and wait. I am certain there is a fourth way - I have already given you more than you need to deal with this; and you know what that is and how to draw on it. Let the Spirit work within you and "do not quench my Holy Spirit."

Another example from current news.
First, let me say that I know very little of the details of the crime on which this story is based. I will not speculate on the details, the motives, nor the outcome of any trials that are pending. What I will discuss is the way one of the lives impacted by this crime reacted and the impact his response should have on us.

On a Wednesday night in September, Mary Winkler killed her husband, a Church of Christ minister with a shotgun, took her 3 small children in the family van and fled toward the coast of Alabama. After her husband's body was discovered by church members, an Amber alert was posted, and Mary was apprehended with the children in an eating establishment in Alabama.

Mary's father-in-law, Dan Winkler, an adjunct professor of Bible at Freed-Hardeman University was called to pick up the children, which he did, then drove 14 hours back to his home on Saturday, arriving late Saturday evening.

Dan was a minister who had been scheduled to speak, but due to events that had transpired, it was not expected that he would be able to do so, and a substitute had been arranged for that Sunday morning. Dan, however, believed that he had a message that he had to deliver, and so he did speak. I was privileged to hear his recorded message last night, and to hear a discussion on its impact. I am only disappointed that every human on this earth cannot hear that message and the example of Christian love that exuded from every word.

First, I will comment on some blogs that I visited that speculatively tried to explain some "reasons" why this event must have happened. One in particular was by someone who had attended a few very conservative CoCs and had concluded that they institutionally repressed women to the point of frustration and desparity. Others commented on the horror of living as a minister's wife in a "fishbowl" environment that was unbearable. Still others commented on having a CoC minister father/husband/minister who laughed at threats to expose his misdeeds since his external persona was so loved and trusted by congregants. How utterly unredeemable such speculation is without any substantiation! It is only proof that prejudice will always have a tendency to arise based on one's past experience, and that prejudice will always impede the right relationship with our fellow humans and with God. A judgmental personality that makes up its mind based on non-existent or limited data is such a great source of grief and hatred.

Yet Dan exuded love and gratitude, after losing a son who had been such a delight to his father. NOTE: I do not comment that "there must have been something wrong in the marriage", nor "Dan's son must have some darker side of his personality that his father did not know", nor do I try to miraculously infer some understanding for which there is yet no basis. In my life I have observed many causes of horrible events, including pure fate; and physiologically functional disorders. I have been falsely accused by delusional loved ones; and at other times been so angry that I did some regrettable act or spoke unfortunate, harmful words. I know that there is simply no basis for me or anyone else to have the hubris to speculate as to motives and/or partial blame for the precipitation of this event.

What I do know is that Dan, the murdered man's father embraced his daughter-in-law after she confessed to the deed, and told her of his love for her in spite of what she had done.

I know that Dan thanked the news media for their participation in the Amber alert, and for honoring his request to refrain from questions to the family in order to protect the innocence of the 3 children.

I know that Dan had no words of rancor for anyone as he thanked his home congregation for their support.

I know that he showed the kind of love that Christ did on the cross as he asked his Father to forgive the murderers while they were engaged in the act.

If you cannot forgive the "oppressor" while they are engaged in the oppression, then you don't really understand the love of Christ. You may be expecting that you are entitled to anger and justice for the wrongs done to you while begging for mercy and grace for the wrongs you perpetrated on the Saviour of the world. You may have been quenching the Holy Spirit of Christ as He tries to dwell in you. You certainly cannot know peace as long as there is no forgiveness in your heart.

The right sad thing is loving the unloveable and forgive the unforgiveable, even while they are perpetrating a heinous deed.

A simple living example.
This week has seen events of extreme vileness and extreme godliness - all at the same site and at the same event. Elementary schoolgirls were take captive by a deranged man intent on molestation and ultimately suicide in a one-room school in an Amish community. When this man's plans were thwarted by the arrival of civil authorities, he had barricaded the entrances in such a way as to give himself time to execute several of the girls before killing himself - "ruining the lives of the girls and their families" - or did he?

Before the girls were buried, several of the families who had lost precious, innocent daughters had made simply astonishing statements. That had forgiven the man who had perpetrated the atrocity. They had even stated that they were glad that it had happened to their daughters, who were God-fearing and God-trusting instead of to girls who did not have a relationship with God. What grace! What faith! What unselfish love for the children of others.

Would those parents have stopped the man if they could? Of course they would. Do they grieve for the children's lives that will never be? Of course they do; but at the same time they rejoice in the the faith that they have concerning their children's faith; and their promised rewards.

One of my favorite songs when I was a child was "Faith of Our Fathers." One of the lines of a stanza reads: "How sweet would be their children's fate, if they, like them, could die for thee."
The reality is that dying for one's faith is often easier than living one's faith. In living our faith we may need to forgive the child molester, the murderer, the adulterer, the thief, the loved one who betrays or injures. Living one's faith requires not only that we forgive those who sin against us; who hurt us or our loved ones; but that we forgive ourselves of our own secret sins as we repent and confess them to the Father. Only the forgiven can be forgiving; and when we harbor unforgiveness, we cannot fulfill Christ's commands to "love our enemies" and to "pray for those who despitefully use you." Yes, even if the ones using us wrongly are those we should expect to be loving us, protecting us, shielding us from Satan's darts.

"Are we there yet?" Are we made over into the image of Christ so that we can live our faith? I don't think any of us reach that full level in this life; but we can set that destination in our guidance system and let God take over the task.

The right sad thing today is forgiving the unforgiveable - whether it is the horrible atrocity or the betrayal perpetrated by our loved one (or ourself), or the insult delivered by the best friend or worst fiend. Remember that "Forgive them, they know not what they do" was not spoken to penitents; but to the lynch mob murdering the the innocent Lamb of God.